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Seen in a chart

 

Medicine cabinet

Annie: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Annie."

Mr. Clueless: "Hi, Dr. Grumpy has my wife on Fukitol, and it's either not helping, or it's making her sick. I'm not sure which."

Annie: "Okay, there's a big difference between those two things. Can you check with her, or just put her on the phone?"

Mr. Clueless: "She's at the casino with some friends, I can have her call you later?"

Annie: "Yeah, please have her..."

Mr. Clueless: "She's taking 2 and 1/2 pills twice each day."

Annie: "All right, it looks like she has both the 50mg and 200mg pill sizes from past scripts. Which size is she taking 2 and 1/2 of?"

Mr. Clueless: "I don't know. What difference does that make?"

Annie: "A lot. Just have her call me."

Mr. Clueless. "I will. Actually, maybe it's the Tidepod he has her on that's doing it."

Annie: "Dr. Grumpy doesn't have her on Tidepod. It's not in his field. Maybe one of her other doctors?"

Mr. Clueless: "Well, it's either Fukitol or Tidepod that she's taking, regardless of size, and it either isn't working or she needs a higher dose. Does that make sense... Actually, I'll just have her call you when she gets back, it will be in about an hour."

Annie: "That's probably for the best."

Best. Wikipedia. Page. Ever.

 

December 31, 2021

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a call."

Mr. Scan: "Hi, doc, I need to talk to Annie, or whoever schedules tests for your practice."

Dr. Grumpy: "She's off this week, sir. My office message says we're closed until after New Years."

Mr. Scan: "Yeah, I heard that. Um, okay, maybe you can help me... Back in, uh, July, you sent me an order for an MRI. I have to get one every few years to follow up on my meningothingioma whatever, to make sure it isn't growing?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes."

Mr. Scan: "Anyway, I've been busy, and I need to get the scan done today, otherwise my deductible starts over tomorrow. So I've been calling MRI places, and none of them can get me in today, and I guess I need an insurance authorization for it, too, so I need you or Annie to get an authorization ASAP, and call one of these places and tell them I'm in a life threatening situation or something to get it done. Let me give you the numbers of the places I've called..."

Dr. Grumpy: "No, sir. Look, this isn't going to happen. Your MRI is not medically urgent, for one thing, and..."

Mr. Scan: "You don't know that! If the tumor is growing I could die from it tonight!!!"

Dr. Grumpy: "Well, it was ordered back in July, as you pointed out. You're the one who didn't call to set it up until the last day of the year. My staff is on vacation now."

Mr. Scan: "It's not like your note said 'please call before Christmas or we'll be closed,' did it?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm not going to argue with you sir. The bottom line is that the last day of the year is not the time to call to get a test done that you should have had 5 months ago. Just because you didn't think about this until today doesn't make it an emergency. Call back next week and we'll get it set up for you."

Mr. Scan: "You medical people are all such inconsiderate assholes."

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