11:45 at night. My cell phone rings, waking me from sleep.
It’s Craig.
Dr. Grumpy : “This is doctor. … I mean, hi, Craig. You okay?”
(loud noise, someone yelling in background)
Craig: “Hi, Dad. Hey, how do I put out a fire in a microwave?"
I’m suddenly REALLY AWAKE.
(loud crash)
Craig: “Never mind, my roommate put it out.”
Voice in background: “What a mess, I'm going to get some towels."
Dr. Grumpy: “What’s going on?”
Craig: “Oh, nothing big, I guess. Hey, what’s a good way to get smoke out of a dorm room?”
Dr. Grumpy “Open the door and all the windows and put that fan you have in one of them.”
Craig: “Hang on… Okay, where’d I put the fan… guess that outlet isn’t going to work anymore, I’ll call maintenance in the morning.”
Dr. Grumpy: “Craig, what’s going on?”
Craig: “We were just making cookies, it’s fine now. I mean, it will be when the smoke is gone. Hey, can you order me a new microwave ramen dish thing from Amazon or something?”
Dr. Grumpy: “Why do you need a new one?”
Craig: “The other one is, um, kind of melted. I don’t think I can use it again.” (
voice in background says something) “can you toss me some towels? Thanks. Sorry, Dad, there’s water everywhere. We had to throw a few buckets of water inside the microwave. (
voice in background says something) I don’t think we can eat it, with the plastic melted into it on that side.”
Dr. Grumpy: “What…”
Craig: “Hand me the bag, I’ll just toss the ramen thing in there. OW! SHIT! IT’S HOT! SHIT! Hey, Dad, I think I burned my hand.”
Dr. Grumpy: “Put ice on it.”
Craig: “Will a cold Diet Coke can be okay?”
Dr. Grumpy: “If it’s all you have.”
Craig: “Okay.”
Dr. Grumpy: “Craig, What’s going on?”
Craig: “Oh, … We were just trying to make cookies. My roommate and I felt like cookies, so we bought a tub of cookie dough at the store.”
Dr. Grumpy: "You were making them in a microwave ramen dish?”
Craig: “It’s all we had, so we filled it up with dough, more like a cookie cake, I guess, figuring that way we’d be able to cook it all at once."
Dr. Grumpy: “Didn't the dough's microwave directions give you a time?”
Craig: “The tub didn’t have microwave directions, just regular oven, so we used those, but i guess that was too long. The cookie cake exploded and the bottom of the ramen pan melted and was smoking, then caught fire. My roommate tried to smother it with some paper towels, but then they caught fire, too."
Dr. Grumpy: “I wouldn’t…”
Craig: “Some guy on YouTube said it would bake them, but it didn’t. Hey, how long will it take all the smoke to clear from my room? I want to go to bed.”
Dr. Grumpy: “So go to bed.”
Craig: “I don't want to go to bed and leave all the doors and windows open, someone might steal my stuff.”
Dr. Grumpy: “Maybe a few hours.”
Craig: “Oh, good. I thought it might be days."
