The Tale of the Gold Clip

In honor of Labor Day (celebrated as May Day in other countries) I present this nonpartisan story to remind all of us where our hard-earned tax dollars go. Although I'm American, insanity of this type is universal to all governments, and likely always will be.

I have a gold-colored binder clip on the wall. This is what it looks like:




"Dr. Grumpy, why on Earth would you keep something as odd as a binder clip on your wall?" you ask. So gather round, open up a Diet Coke, and I'll tell you my story.


There have been 3 presidential elections since I went into practice.

During one of these elections a presidential debate was held at a university in my state.

One of my patients is a supervisor at that university's media department. He came in for an appointment, with a bunch of his old test reports. They were held together by a binder-clip. It caught my eye because it was gold-colored (likely made of brass), and I hadn't seen one like that before. I'm used to the standard black clips with silver prongs.

So I mentioned that I'd never seen one like that before, and he told me this story:

When the university was preparing for the presidential debate, the campaigns gave them a list of things the Presidential gentlemen needed on the podium in front of them (the list had been pre-agreed on, so each would have the same stuff).

On top of each podium each Presidential person had paper and pens and a glass of water, which we all saw. But on the shelf underneath the podium, each had the following items, which had been jointly agreed upon. He showed me the memo.

More paper
2 black pens
2 blue pens
3 sharpened No. 2 pencils
A pencil sharpener
Big paper clips
Small paper clips
A stapler
Extra staples
A scotch tape dispenser
An extra role of scotch tape
Yellow post-it notes
Binder clips

So the university dutifully put all this junk on the shelves under each podium, in case either Presidential person wanted to do collating, decorating, or origami on national television.

During the final check of the stage, both campaigns went berserk when they discovered the university had thoughtlessly supplied them with standard black binder clips, as apparently men of Presidential stature should only be using gold-colored binder clips (at least on national television). So the university had to go out and find some (the one I have says 'OfficeMax' on the side) at the last minute.

During the debate, I didn't see either gentleman take any of the above-mentioned items out from the podium. In retrospect, in the 22 Presidential debates I remember seeing in 9 elections, I don't recall seeing anyone using anything from the list other than a pen and paper.

So the university was left with all these office supplies, including gold binder clips.

So now I have the gold binder clip hanging on my wall to remind me of where my hard-earned tax dollars are going.