I've been called down to ER to see a fellow who suffered a stroke while at the local casino. His wife has just arrived.
Dr. Grumpy: "I'm glad you're here... his face is kind of drooping on this side. Is that normal for him?"
Mrs. Alteplase: "Let me see... He always has that."
Dr. Grumpy: "Okay. Do you know what medications he's on?"
Mrs. Alteplase: "No, but check his wallet. He always has that."
Dr. Grumpy: "Okay" (I start searching through the guy's pockets). "You know where he keeps it?"
Mrs. Alteplase: "No, but he always has that."
As I find and pull out the wallet a handgun - with the safety off - falls out of another pocket and lands on the floor with a loud THUNK. Me and 2 nurses freeze for a second, afraid it might go off.
Mrs. Alteplase: "He always has that."
"I've learned not to roll over in bed."
ReplyDelete"He enjoys going to the casino, but sometimes he craves a little more excitement than he can get from the regular roulette."
ReplyDelete"He used to carry one of those Swiss army knives with a blade and a nail file and scissors and tweezers and a toothpick, but then he realized he could do all the same stuff with this. It's the ultimate multi-use tool."
ReplyDelete"The life of an orthodontist is always intense."
ReplyDeleteBecause, when you're at the baccarat table, you never know when you're going to come face-to-face with a supervillain who's trying to take over the world.
ReplyDelete"Hey, here's a folded up warrant for armed robbery!"
ReplyDelete"He always has that."
Are you happy to see me
ReplyDelete"It has his initials engraved on the handle, which makes it a form of legal ID."
ReplyDeletePacker wins the internet today
ReplyDeleteIt's not guns that hurt people, it's the ammo
ReplyDelete