Are you tired of trying to keep up with your neighbors? Is your 1988 Chevy looking pretty pissy every time they drive by in their Rolls Royce? Are your kids still playing Odyssey or Atari 5200 while the children next door have a Wii? Are you sick of looking at their satellite dish antenna while you only have rabbit ears on your TV?
Well, its time to blow them out of the water, FOR FREE! Yes FREE!
For a limited time only the U.S. Government is giving away AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER! FREE! THIS IS NOT A JOKE!
U.S.S. John F. Kennedy
Yes, imagine the look on your neighbor's smug face as you bring this 82,000 ton, 1,052 foot long bad boy up the street, crushing his Rolls, house, and lawn in the process. Your kids will be the envy of the block, as other children will want to come over and play on their new "toy". Sure beats that concrete pipe and see-saw, huh?
Worried about that teenage punk down the block with a spray can? Well, the ship comes with Sea Sparrow missiles and a Phalanx computer defense system. Just let him try to tag it.
And remember, this smokin' deal is FREE! Originally built for hundreds of millions of dollars, it can now be yours for nothing (and you don't even have to tell the neighbors what you paid for it)! To build your own aircraft carrier can cost upwards of $6 billion! SO CALL NOW!
This amazing offer is not available in stores or on Craig's list. To receive this once-in-a-lifetime giveaway, see below.
WASHINGTON (NNS) -- The Department of the Navy has advertised the availability of ex-John F. Kennedy (CV 67), located at the Navy's Inactive Ships Maintenance Office, Philadelphia, Pa. for donation as a museum/memorial under the authority of Title 10 U.S.C. Section § 7306.
Eligible recipients may include any State, Commonwealth, or possession of the United States or any municipal corporation or political subdivision thereof; the District of Columbia; or any organization incorporated as a nonprofit entity (under Section 501 of the Internal Revenue Code).
According to the Federal Register notice, the deadline for submission of Phase I documentation, a Letter of Intent and an Executive Summary, is Jan. 22, 2010.
For organizations meeting the minimum requirements of Phase I, a letter will be sent notifying each organization to proceed to Phase II of the application process. Responses to Phase II of the process will be due one year from the date of the notification letter to proceed to Phase II. Should Navy receive no interest within two years for donation of the ship, the Navy may remove the vessel from donation consideration and proceed with disposal.
Gotta have it!!!
ReplyDeleteNow THAT'S a lawn ornament!
ReplyDeleteI could just point the missiles at all the neighbours who start construction and lawn mowing after I come back from a night shift and politely ask them to keep it down until I wake up. The possibilities are endless!
ReplyDeleteI have room in the back yard for it :D
ReplyDeleteeveryone else move out of the way..IT'S MINE!!! ya right.
ReplyDeletemm
Just think how cool your office would be in there!
ReplyDeleteHey I tried to send you something, pagingdrg at gmail, but it wouldn't deliver.
I am SOOOO glad that we are not "eligible recipients" because this is just the sort of stuff Mr. Lipstick would like to have in our backyard. I'm pretty sure he has forced me to watch something about that on the History/Military/Learning/Bore-Your-Wife-To-Death-Channel.
ReplyDeleteHaving spent a significant number of vacation hours touring the Lexington, moored here in Corpus, I can tell you that these aircraft carriers are absolutely fascinating.
ReplyDeleteNot fascinating enough to put in my backyard, however.
Darn. Jacques died a year too soon. I'm sure he would have been in on the bidding....
ReplyDeleteTo see his collection of military vehicles, visit the online home of the Military Vehicle Technology Foundation.
Tours are available, btw, by prior arrangement.
I do believe this would be the perfect addition to my pond. Retrofitted with a fountain of course...
ReplyDeleteI hate to be a downer, but, you know, the JFK is kind of the '88 Chevy or Atari 5200 of aircraft carriers. Just sayin'...
ReplyDeleteActually - it would make a great prison wouldnt it? Put it far enough out to sea, and it would be more inescapable than they once thot Alcatraz was!
ReplyDeleteJ-14 aircraft hi-res images:
ReplyDeletehttp://china-arsenal.blogspot.com/2010/01/j-14-aircraft-hi-res-images.html