So today, me, and pretty much every doctor, veterinarian, nurse practitioner, and pharmacist in the country got this email:
Apparently the folks at the DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration) decided that people reading the rules about guidance didn't have enough guidance, and so needed some guidance. Or they just made a bet over the weekend on who could use the word "guidance" in an email the most:
Isn't that impressive? Okay, so what does the guidance in this remarkable document on guidance say? I'm glad you asked!
Here's page 1 (page 2 is more of the same, so I'm not going to bother with it).
For those of you who went to college in the same era that I did, I keep thinking of the word "guidance" now in the same way I used to think of the phrase, "Hi, Bob."
It reads a bit like one of tRump's speeches. But it possibly has slightly better guidance.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I'd like to see the word "portal" used a few more times.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya
DeleteKinda reminds me of a pro wrestling spear gag from WWE spear quite a few years back spear. Edge was doing promos spear with Christ "Y2J" Jericho spear at the time, and spear inserting the word "spear" every so often. Jericho spear was puzzled, until the punchine appeared:
ReplyDelete"Spear spear spear spear SPEAR!"
Followed by the running football shoulder tackle to the gut that is the "spear" in pro wrestling, which was Edge's signature move at the time.
Guidance guidance guidance GUIDANCE! (WHAM!)
Fnord.
ReplyDeleteThe main difference being that a person has a reasonable chance of surviving a game of "Hi, Bob."
ReplyDeletethanks, now I'm drunk.
ReplyDeleteguidance = Møøse
ReplyDeleteHave you ever noticed how, when you say a word over and over and over again, it totally loses all meaning? Man, that stuff we confiscated last week is some of the best yet.
ReplyDeleteSay the word and you'll be free
ReplyDeleteSay the word and be like me
Say the word and say it with stridence
Have you heard the word is
Oh, shit, what rhymes with "stridence?"
Tridents!
DeleteIs it just me, or are SEO strategies getting out of hand?
ReplyDeleteThis gives me a great idea for my next novel.
ReplyDeleteKnock it off or there will be hell to pay. Be guided accordingly , mister
ReplyDeleteAfter reading a word so many times, as in comment by Anne Milgram, it makes me wonder if I've ever spelled guidance incorrectly, or maybe mispronounced it once or twice in my life. It starts to look like a word that has little meaning or the kind of word that might vaporize, and disappear in a puff of smoke.
ReplyDeleteBut, someone that might have taken the English class I did in sixth grade would've been required to come up with several synonyms. (We weren't allowed to use the same word in a sentence.)
"Guidance" has now reached a level of familiarity that the word can be skipped over while reading a document much the same way one skips over the words "the" and "and".
ReplyDeleteAnd now I remember why I just delete those messages when the DEA sends them out.
New Boss: Write new guidelines and email them out to everyone.
ReplyDeleteEmployee: The current ones are great. Easy to read the cover everything.
New Boss: No they need to be rewritten now.
Employee thinks ok waste of my time so I might as well find a way to entertain myself.
As a former DEA employee, I can confirm that the best and brightest are exactly the people NOT assigned to Diversion.
ReplyDelete...that they do not actually have the authority to tell you what to do so they are issuing "guidance," which is not a rule or a law....it is just well, you know what it is
ReplyDelete