Annie: “Dr. Grumpy’s office, this is Annie.”
Mrs. Grave: “Hi, how much does Dr. Grumpy charge to do public speaking?”
Annie: “Um, I’d have to check with him, I’m not sure he does that. Is this for support group? He does those on occasion, but doesn’t charge.”
Mrs. Grave: “No, it’s for a funeral.”
Annie: “Excuse me?”
Mrs. Grave: “It’s for my grandfather’s graveside memorial service. My mom asked me to find someone to conduct it, and since grandpa died of a neurological disease I thought maybe a neurologist would be the person to call.”
Annie: “Was he a patient of Dr. Grumpy’s?”
Mrs. Grave: “No. I already called his neurologist, but they told me I should try a member of the clergy, but I like my idea better so am going through the phone book.”
Annie: “Hang on...”
Annie puts her on hold, walks down to my office, pulls me out from a patient visit to make sure I haven’t started some new business sideline she didn’t know about, tries to keep me from breaking into hysterics, walks back to her office.
Annie: “No, he doesn’t do this sort of thing.”
Mrs. Grave: “Do you have any suggestions? I mean, you’d think doctors should be the ones doing this sort of thing, wouldn’t you? I thought they teach this stuff in medical school.”
New revenue stream! Brilliant. :D
ReplyDeleteMy best friend reminds me occasionally about a childhood slumber party where we were scaring the bejeebies out of each other with tales from dark side (Bigfoot sightings and spontaneous combustion were 'popular' fodder for teen magazines at the time, 'magazines' ... am dating myself). She said that it had been a pretty raucous party up to the point where I started talking about cancer, and everyone decided for some reason that it was time to hit the hay.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that people realize that undertakers and funeral home directors actually are issued professional licenses to perform that particular function ... for a reason. Not that they are the one to 'conduct' the services all the time, but they have their part to play, and somehow I don't think that the two job descriptions are all that similar. And, not, that a person could do both, or that professionals sometimes have interestingly different sidelines, but I just cannot imagine going to my mother's funeral run by her hairdresser. Or, for that matter, her physician. Although he was a pretty nice person, and did bring over prime moose steaks for all of us from out of state, but ... my guess is that this relative has somewhat misplaced something in her grief response.
Ha!
ReplyDeleteHa!Ha!
Ha!Ha!Ha!
I love it!
Is he looking for a band? I know a bunch of unemployed Ghanaian musicians who might be interested.
ReplyDeleteMy guess is that this is a non-religious person trying to figure out how to run a funeral. If you're a non-believer, you object to the traditional god-centric shape of a funeral, plus you have no pastor to run the damn thing anyway. You may find yourself casting far and wide to find someone to function as master of ceremonies.
ReplyDeleteThere must be a local improv troupe that could use a gig.
ReplyDelete"At least it's straightforward getting a neurologist because he died of neurological disease. You should see who we got for my uncle who died of autoerotic strangulation."
ReplyDeletehttp://springtimedog.blogspot.com/2010/03/oh-why-not.html
ReplyDeleteI’ve done a couple of gravesites for friends who have nobody else. It was important to them but just as important to me. But best of all what’s the time when a young man asked me to do a benediction at a ceremony where he was being honored. He remembered the prayer services I was asked To conduct at their Boy Scout camping trips. Years later he called me out of the blue and asked if I would do the benediction. I wrote a prayer for him in the link above. I’ve never done a benediction especially not one in front of an assembly of important people but for whatever reason he wanted me to do it and I did. I I’m not a minister I’m no religious scholar but I do know that kindness goes a long way
And with that I was given a hobby, I started writing for my own purposes and taking photographs and thinking about the world. I never regretted doing it and later on I found out he had taken the prayer, had it framed and now at Hanks in his office. So never say Never do a heartfelt request because you will find a surprising benefit in Helping somebody.
"I like my idea better..."
ReplyDelete