Thursday, December 10, 2015

Pathology

I'm with a patient and her son.

Dr. Grumpy: "I think the next step is going to be getting further labs and..."


There's a knock on the door. Mary leans in and says my call partner, Dr. Brain, is on the phone and needs to talk to me immediately. I apologize to my patient and pick up the phone.


Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy."

Dr. Brain: "Ibee! Do you remember that guy you saw last weekend at the hospital?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I saw 28 consults last weekend. I have no idea who you're talking about."

Dr. Brain: "It was the guy with the stroke!"

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, that narrows it down to about 27 of them."

Dr. Brain: "Clinically he looked like a left deep white matter stroke? He was the one visiting from Farawayville? Now you remember him?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Vaguely... Why?"

Dr. Brain: "What other area do you think could cause his symptoms?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm with a patient here. Is there some reason you had me interrupted for this?"

Dr. Brain: "Well, there was an article, maybe you remember, in the May, 2007 issue of Archives of Intellectual Masturbation about the statistical distribution of deep white matter strokes in..."

Dr. Grumpy: "Look, obviously this isn't urgent. I have a patient here, and I'm going to hang up now. If you want to argue about a differential you have my home number. Or bother Dr. Cortex or Dr. Nerve."

Dr. Brain: "You should have more enthusiasm for your work."

Click

12 comments:

  1. As junior associate editor of the Archives of Intellectual Masturbation, I want to thank you. Your citation of our paper could improve our journal's Impact Factor. With your help, we might hit our goal of 0.01.

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  2. If he's the Brain, does that mean you're Pinky?

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  3. I love neurologists. You guys are so smart. That being said, in my experience neurologists tend to be somewhat...socially challenged.

    Not you, of course, Dr. Grumpy!

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  4. Whoops. Are you going to change partners?

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  5. Wow. Someone who actually reads "Archives of Intellectual Masturbation" for the articles.

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  6. Got to hand it to you.Dr. Grumpy, you have a real talent for making names up. 'Archives of Intellectual Masturbation', hands down, the perfect name.

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  7. Meanwhile 6 patients in Dr. Brain's office have left without being seen because they're tired of waiting. They've rescheduled with Dr. Grumpy (despite his "lack of job enthusiasm".)

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  8. Are the Archives of Intellectual Masturbation published by the same house as Journal of Nursing Nonsense.

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  9. Me thinks his therapist suggested he make some friends and this was the opening gambit. You just set him back 45 sessions.

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  10. He was trying to pick your brain, ..., just trying ... , ummm. 'Trying' might be a good word to describe how you felt his efforts were affecting your last nerve. Sounds, like an ongoing discussion from 2007, did you and he share a subscription to AIM at the time?

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  11. I think Mary was not on her A game. How could she have not guessed that Dr. B was trying to fill the time from a patient who missed his appointment?

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So wadda you think?