Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."
Mrs. McDonald: "Hi, I'm on my way there for my appointment, but I'm running late."
Mary: "Okay, well, the one after you just cancelled, so come on in and he'll see you when you get here."
Mrs. McDonald: "What a mess. The neighbor's asshole rooster came into my yard, and my dog got it. Feathers every-fucking-where."
Mary: "We'll see you soon."
Mrs. McDonald: "The bird had it coming, too. I mean, every day he struts around on top of MY fence like he fucking owns the place, and taunts Bitsy. If he was stupid enough to come down to the ground, he deserves whatever she did to him."
Mary: "..."
Mrs. McDonald: "My goats saw the whole thing. They were probably cheering for Bitsy the whole time. And then, when I finally got the damn bird away from Bitsy, and it was still alive, I handed it over the fence to the bitch owner. And you know what she said? She said that if he dies, I owe her a new rooster. The hell I do."
Mary: "I..."
Mrs. McDonald: "I told her she could get her ass over and clean up the feathers that are all over my yard. If it's her bird, then they're her feathers, aren't they? So she better have them all picked up and gone when I get home."
Mary: "Okay..."
Mrs. McDonald: "Anyway, I can show you the pictures of the feathers and the bird when I get there to prove I'm telling the truth. I took a lot of them for evidence, because, you know, this is probably going to end up in front of Judge Wapner or something. I'll be at your place in a few."
click
I think the bird (brain) was headed to your office! Hope she had stopped squawking by the time she got to the exam room!
ReplyDeleteIt's a jungle(fowl) out there!
ReplyDeletewhy did the chicken cross the yard?????
ReplyDelete...to get torn into itsy-Bitsy pieces?!
ReplyDeleteSounds like Mary is due for yet another raise...
ReplyDeleteI guess if the neighbor's dog mauled my cock I'd be upset too; but then again if my cock was some place it didn't belong then it probably deserved being bitten.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what happened when she got home...
ReplyDeletePeople just need to vent sometimes. I have been on the receiving end of a few at work. You just let them ramble on, saying uh-uh, yah, really? Until they get a chance to talk about it, they just replaying it over and over (AND OVER) in their heads. By talking, they can clear it out of their heads and get on with the business at hand. And a lot of times, when they (finally!) run down, you might give them some advice to prevent additional problems. As a bonus, they will be much calmer when they later deal with the problem again. In this case, she is less likely to "go off" on Ms. Rooster when she sees her again. I bet she was also calmer driving after she talked at Mary too.
ReplyDeleteMy sister and I are dealing with a sometimes infuriating Alzheimers developing parent. We need to vent to each other after dealing with her, ususally on a cell phone conversation on the long trip back home. It keeps us from getting angry with the parent, and to work together to help them manage their life.
I have my suspicions about the sanitization (and, sanity, as well) of this conversation. She said the 'f' bomb one too many times, and no 'ain't', not one that I counted. But, then, that particular word has become part of the common everyday lingo for some folks, and its original usage as a verb has become a catch-all for nouns, adverbs, and adjectives, without benefit of parsing, past participle, or cousin-once-removed at all.
ReplyDeleteSounds like some of the exchanges I've had with people as a pastor's wife. (It kind of stuns me how much people will tell me that no sane person should.)
ReplyDeleteBut did you get fresh eggs?
ReplyDeleteFrom a ROOSTER?
ReplyDelete