Thursday, December 4, 2014

Dr. Grumpy's gift guide

You fart, we all fart. In college, or on guys night out, it can be a source of pride. But, in a crowded elevator, or board meeting, or parole hearing... it may not be the best thing.

Fear no more!

With this simple patch attached to your undies, you can now make them smell like mint!

"What's that smell? I think someone cut the Life Savers."

Now, instead of filling the elevator with noxious fumes, you can gas others with a refreshing blast of mint. The manufacturer (to date) hasn't released other scents (though I think Root Beer, Spring Breeze, and Gingerbread Spice should be considered).
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20 comments:

  1. AnonymousDecember 4, 2014 at 8:02 AM

    How about Pumpkin Spice Latte? That seems to be invading everything else lately, from candles to cookies to nail polish colors!

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  2. bunkywiseDecember 4, 2014 at 9:01 AM

    There is a part of me that is horrified and another part that really wants to order some for my brother. Merry Christmas, Stinky!

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  3. PackerDecember 4, 2014 at 9:43 AM

    Invention is the Mother of necessity....especially in this instance.

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  4. Officer CynicalDecember 4, 2014 at 9:44 AM

    These have been banned from our locker room.

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  5. WarmSocksDecember 4, 2014 at 11:07 AM

    This is awful... but...
    One of my sons has had defenders gasp and move away from him on the basketball court -- the smell is that overwhelming. My daughters might be giving their flatulent brother a boxful of these things for Christmas.

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  6. AnonymousDecember 4, 2014 at 11:57 AM

    This will have to do until Altoids starts making suppositories.

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  7. Violet BeauregardeDecember 4, 2014 at 12:02 PM

    First it smells like tomato soup, and then roast beef and baked potato, and then blueberry pie and ice cream!

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  8. Sal ParadiseDecember 4, 2014 at 1:46 PM

    @Violet: I don't think they have the blueberry pie part quite worked out yet, you might not want to try it right now...

    Oh, too late. Sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousDecember 4, 2014 at 2:27 PM

    Just when you thought farting couldn't get any more refreshing...

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  10. Pappy Van WinkleDecember 4, 2014 at 2:31 PM

    Now it's easier than ever to make a mint julep! Just squat over a glass of bourbon and wait a few minutes!

    ReplyDelete
  11. arzt4empfaengerDecember 4, 2014 at 8:21 PM

    That reminds me of this old joke with the Avon lady, who had
    to fart when riding the elevator. Of course she reached into her bag and sprayed one of her room fresheners or desodorizers.
    When a construction worker got onto the elevator at the next floor and sniffed, she asked if he'd smell something... to which he responded that the smell resembled someone taking a crap in a pine tree.

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  12. AnonymousDecember 4, 2014 at 10:46 PM

    Looks like I don't need to buy any Thin Mints this year.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousDecember 4, 2014 at 11:00 PM

    "Darling, is that Chanel No. 5 you're wearing?"

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  14. AnonymousDecember 5, 2014 at 1:29 AM

    Definitely gives a new meaning to the term "chocolate mint."

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  15. KeepSmilingDecember 5, 2014 at 1:40 AM

    So, I was watching TV today and saw about a billion prescription drug ads, when a really interesting OTC ad came up for some kind of pain relief patch-- anyway, I was just wondering if any doctor on here knows what the hell they mean by "for mild to tougher moderate pain". Is it for mild pain or moderate pain or tough pain? I noticed they didn't include extreme pain so I can cross that out at least.

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  16. MalDecember 5, 2014 at 4:39 AM

    They should market them as Toot-sweets.

    And Toot Sweet 2.0 has a built in speaker that masks the fart sound with your choice of hundreds of downloadable toot-tones. Set your tone to match your phone!

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  17. AnonymousDecember 5, 2014 at 8:41 AM

    If my ass looked that good, I wouldn't care what my farts smelled like.

    ReplyDelete
  18. AnonymousDecember 5, 2014 at 10:03 AM

    Is it a velcro sulfurated gas-activated aromatic pulverized carbon baffling filter? What does the device do about the residue? How could the wearer guarantee the undies don't explode?

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  19. AnonymousDecember 5, 2014 at 10:30 AM

    Duluth should do the commercial.
    And it definitely should be a guys butt.

    ReplyDelete
  20. AnonymousDecember 7, 2014 at 11:24 PM

    Yeah...what's with the pic of a woman? I guess a big hairy ass wouldn't be good for sales but it doesn't seem fair. Women don't poop in a public bathroom unless under duress and most would rather curl up in a ball in pain rather than fart in public.

    Case in point - my husband's French, so we often have French guests or exchange students. Once we had a 17 year old who we took on vacation with us. She started crying in the rest stop and complaining of horrible abdominal pain. Of course, my first question was whether she needed to go to the bathroom. Long story short...she's not our kid and she wanted to see a doctor. It was a Sunday, so went to the ED. Several thousands of dollars later, the treatment was...just let er rip! My husband couldn't stop laughing!

    I was glad I had my husband to take her to the competition and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES give them our info...send the bill to her parents.

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So wadda you think?