Monday, May 20, 2013

Mary's desk

Wild-eyed lady runs in, stands at counter, loudly bangs pen on sign-in clipboard.

Mary: "Can I help you?"

Mrs. Wild: "MY SCAN WAS ABNORMAL!"

Mary: "Okay, what is your..."

Mrs. Wild: "HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME IT WAS ABNORMAL? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

Mary: "I'm sorry, let me look into this. If I could have your name..."

Mrs. Wild: "THIS IS INSANE! HOW CAN YOU SIT THERE SO CALMLY WHEN MY SCAN IS ABNORMAL?"

Mary: "I..."

Mrs. Wild: "DON'T JUST STARE AT ME! DO SOMETHING! MY SCAN IS ABNORMAL! I DEMAND TO SEE DR. CARDIO IMMEDIATELY!!!"

Mary: "Dr. Cardio is upstairs, in suite #805."

Mrs. Wild: "SHIT!"

(runs out, slams door)
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20 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 20, 2013 at 7:15 AM

    Let me guess: thyroid scan. T4 is about 20.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMay 20, 2013 at 8:21 AM

    I audit medical documentation so have seen more scan reports than the average bear. Even the most benign results say something like "essentially normal exam except...." They always find SOMETHING even if it's the radiologist seemingly playing a "find the hidden image in this picture" game. I wonder if she has any real reason to be so upset.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Fresh Off My HookMay 20, 2013 at 8:38 AM

    Mary is a saint. Give her a raise.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ms. DonnaMay 20, 2013 at 9:28 AM

    I agree w/ Fresh. Mary is a living saint. Page the Vatican.

    And Anonymous2 is right, almost every scan shows something "abnormal." It is mentioned just to keep the lawyers at bay.

    Poor pt. Is obviously upset at being told scan is abnormal and is worried. Easy for all of us to be above it all when it is not YOUR scan.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ms. DonnaMay 20, 2013 at 9:29 AM

    Of COURSE, I could say, "have a heart."
    But no. You all would just laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  6. PackerMay 20, 2013 at 9:36 AM

    @ Ms. Donna, beats what I had to say, so I'll skip it.....

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousMay 20, 2013 at 10:16 AM

    Perhaps she thinks that "No pericardial effusion" means that healthy people should always have an effusion.

    ReplyDelete
  8. LaShauneMay 20, 2013 at 10:26 AM

    Never a dull moment! I third the vote for Mary's raise.

    ReplyDelete
  9. bobbieMay 20, 2013 at 12:04 PM

    Are you friends with the heart doc?? I'd LOVE to know what the problem was...
    Unless it was a "no pericardial effusion"!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. MooseMay 20, 2013 at 12:19 PM

    Damn, they found my space ship.

    ReplyDelete
  11. bunkywiseMay 20, 2013 at 12:28 PM

    Now why did I just start thinking about Young Frankenstein?

    ReplyDelete
  12. BobFMay 20, 2013 at 2:29 PM

    I'd give a lot for a copy of security cam footage at Cardio Reception.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousMay 20, 2013 at 5:25 PM

    Sometimes I think this entire blog is an effort to get your patients to show up early for appointments.

    If you were my doctor, I'd make 4pm appointments and show up first thing in the morning, with popcorn.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousMay 20, 2013 at 7:33 PM

    This totally reminds me of that old SNL skit RoseAnne Rosanna Dana. She would go off on something or the other, until someone explained to her that she was perseverating on the wrong thing, e.g. euthanasia is NOT youth in Asia, kind of thing.

    She'd always end with Oh, that's very different. It was a stich. Definitely give Mary a huge raise and extra vacation days. Maybe throw in a few mental health days as well.

    ReplyDelete
  15. jenMay 20, 2013 at 7:37 PM

    I'd say that more than one scan is abnormal...

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnonymousMay 20, 2013 at 8:06 PM

    I had nothing better to do today than hang out in Grumpy's office and watch the show. Somewhere among the Three Stooges, Jerry Lewis, and Here's Lucy... all shows that aren't live anymore except in Grumpy's office.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Loren PechtelMay 20, 2013 at 10:56 PM

    Not only that but abnormal doesn't always mean there's any medical issue involved, or it can be something totally benign.

    My wife will false-positive a treadmill test. Abnormal, yes. Hazardous, no.

    ReplyDelete
  18. AnonymousMay 21, 2013 at 7:20 PM

    MY FAVORITE CALL:

    "WHY DIDNT YOU CALL ME...MY TEST WAS UNREMARKABLE" NOT TO BE SEXIST, BUT AFTER OVER 20 YEARS, ONLY MEN CALL ON THIS...

    APPEARS SHE PASSED UNOFFICIAL STRESS TEST ANYWAY...

    sign on code looks a lot like ventrVk and paroxysm = timely!

    ReplyDelete
  19. spectrummomMay 25, 2013 at 8:22 AM

    Recently I ran over to the pharmacy next to my office to pick up my kid's Rx while I was between patients. A (very irritating) patient stopped me at the pharmacy door and said "why didn't you tell my my labs were abnormal?" Uh? "The CO2 was low." Aughhhhhh. "Sir, you were just breathing too fast, and it was only 2 points below normal. There is NOTHING wrong with you."

    ReplyDelete
  20. AnonymousMay 27, 2013 at 10:17 PM

    She told Mary not to 'just stare at' her? I would have thought she would be very used to having people stare at her.

    ReplyDelete

So wadda you think?