Monday, May 20, 2013

Mary's desk

Wild-eyed lady runs in, stands at counter, loudly bangs pen on sign-in clipboard.

Mary: "Can I help you?"

Mrs. Wild: "MY SCAN WAS ABNORMAL!"

Mary: "Okay, what is your..."

Mrs. Wild: "HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME IT WAS ABNORMAL? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

Mary: "I'm sorry, let me look into this. If I could have your name..."

Mrs. Wild: "THIS IS INSANE! HOW CAN YOU SIT THERE SO CALMLY WHEN MY SCAN IS ABNORMAL?"

Mary: "I..."

Mrs. Wild: "DON'T JUST STARE AT ME! DO SOMETHING! MY SCAN IS ABNORMAL! I DEMAND TO SEE DR. CARDIO IMMEDIATELY!!!"

Mary: "Dr. Cardio is upstairs, in suite #805."

Mrs. Wild: "SHIT!"

(runs out, slams door)

20 comments:

  1. Let me guess: thyroid scan. T4 is about 20.

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  2. I audit medical documentation so have seen more scan reports than the average bear. Even the most benign results say something like "essentially normal exam except...." They always find SOMETHING even if it's the radiologist seemingly playing a "find the hidden image in this picture" game. I wonder if she has any real reason to be so upset.

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  3. I agree w/ Fresh. Mary is a living saint. Page the Vatican.

    And Anonymous2 is right, almost every scan shows something "abnormal." It is mentioned just to keep the lawyers at bay.

    Poor pt. Is obviously upset at being told scan is abnormal and is worried. Easy for all of us to be above it all when it is not YOUR scan.

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  4. Of COURSE, I could say, "have a heart."
    But no. You all would just laugh.

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  5. @ Ms. Donna, beats what I had to say, so I'll skip it.....

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  6. Perhaps she thinks that "No pericardial effusion" means that healthy people should always have an effusion.

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  7. Never a dull moment! I third the vote for Mary's raise.

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  8. Are you friends with the heart doc?? I'd LOVE to know what the problem was...
    Unless it was a "no pericardial effusion"!!

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  9. Damn, they found my space ship.

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  10. Now why did I just start thinking about Young Frankenstein?

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  11. I'd give a lot for a copy of security cam footage at Cardio Reception.

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  12. Sometimes I think this entire blog is an effort to get your patients to show up early for appointments.

    If you were my doctor, I'd make 4pm appointments and show up first thing in the morning, with popcorn.

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  13. This totally reminds me of that old SNL skit RoseAnne Rosanna Dana. She would go off on something or the other, until someone explained to her that she was perseverating on the wrong thing, e.g. euthanasia is NOT youth in Asia, kind of thing.

    She'd always end with Oh, that's very different. It was a stich. Definitely give Mary a huge raise and extra vacation days. Maybe throw in a few mental health days as well.

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  14. I'd say that more than one scan is abnormal...

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  15. I had nothing better to do today than hang out in Grumpy's office and watch the show. Somewhere among the Three Stooges, Jerry Lewis, and Here's Lucy... all shows that aren't live anymore except in Grumpy's office.

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  16. Not only that but abnormal doesn't always mean there's any medical issue involved, or it can be something totally benign.

    My wife will false-positive a treadmill test. Abnormal, yes. Hazardous, no.

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  17. MY FAVORITE CALL:

    "WHY DIDNT YOU CALL ME...MY TEST WAS UNREMARKABLE" NOT TO BE SEXIST, BUT AFTER OVER 20 YEARS, ONLY MEN CALL ON THIS...

    APPEARS SHE PASSED UNOFFICIAL STRESS TEST ANYWAY...

    sign on code looks a lot like ventrVk and paroxysm = timely!

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  18. Recently I ran over to the pharmacy next to my office to pick up my kid's Rx while I was between patients. A (very irritating) patient stopped me at the pharmacy door and said "why didn't you tell my my labs were abnormal?" Uh? "The CO2 was low." Aughhhhhh. "Sir, you were just breathing too fast, and it was only 2 points below normal. There is NOTHING wrong with you."

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  19. She told Mary not to 'just stare at' her? I would have thought she would be very used to having people stare at her.

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So wadda you think?