Dr. Grumpy: "What can I do for you?"
Mr. THC: "Well, a friend and I were smoking marijuana a few weeks ago, and I mean a lot of it. At one point, I took my pulse, and it was up to, like, 20,000 beats per minute."
Dr. Grumpy: "Is this why you're seeing a neurologist?"
Mr. THC: "Yeah, my internist sent me to a cardiologist, who sent me to you."
Dr. Grumpy: "Okay... So, 20,000 beats per minute really isn't physiologically possible. Maybe it was the effects of the marijuana."
Mr. THC: "That's what they said! But I know they're wrong! I counted them myself!"
Dr. Grumpy: "20,000 is a pretty big number to count up to in 60 seconds."
Mr. THC: "I was able to do it because time had slowed down, and that helped."
Once again confusing neurologists and psychiatrists...
ReplyDeleteI wonder why he was counting?
ReplyDeleteNo one wants to touch this so they are throwing it around like a hot potato right?
ReplyDeletePrescription for Taco Bell and a nap, STAT.
Why would the other doctors send him to another doctor? NIMBY type thinking?
ReplyDeleteSounds psychotic - schizophrenia is known to be triggered by pot if your parents passed on the right genes (actually WRONG genes makes more sense) to you.
ReplyDeleteokay, just send him to an ob/gyn.
ReplyDeleteDoc. C'mon man opportunities to mess with people don't come along that often. Use it. Simple make him promise to give up smoke, eat right, exercise moderately , hydrate and he will be back to normal in about 3 years.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the reasons why it is called DOPE.
Sadly people have been conned into the idea that marijuanna is a harmless substance. And with that I take my leave, as the flame war has been ignited and my job here is doen for the day.*
* I do not believe marijuanna to be a harmless substance.
yep, you too must turf this one.
ReplyDeleteAnyone know the etymology of "turf" (which from context I'm assuming means pass him on to someone else)?
ReplyDeleteRead "House of God" written around 1978. Pretty sure I had heard that before the book came out though back in the day.
ReplyDeleteone.. a thousand... two a thousand.. three a thousand... etc
ReplyDeletenineteen a thousand... Twenty.... thousand. Maaaaaaan he has a bradycardia. A turf back to cardiology surely
Wow that is really heavy man. When I was doing bongs one day at band camp I could feel the sap flowing threw the trees and they were so happy that I was peaceful and stuff dude. So just because you weren't there don't say it didn't happen cause you know it really did. Do you have any Doritos Doc?
ReplyDeleteI want what he's smoking.
ReplyDeleteEat a bag of Doritos and call me in the morning.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, was he also snorting cocaine at the same time?
ReplyDeleteAs I pulled up your blog I said aloud, "Okay, Dr. G, make me laugh!" Thank you, now you'll have to excuse me before I wet my pants!
ReplyDelete@Packer: It all depends on your definition of "harmless". Some people also think that alcohol and tobacco are harmless.
ReplyDeleteUm, um, um...
ReplyDeleteNope, I got nothing. Did ya laugh at him?
Maybe this is a great opportunity to convince him to stop smoking marijuana by telling him that, as he has so clearly documented, marijuana just doesn't do good things to him.
ReplyDeleteIs it legal to mislead a patient like that? It seems like the right thing to do to me.
Hypochondria and weed is an awful mix.
ReplyDelete"I was able to do it because time had slowed down, and that helped."
ReplyDeleteNo doubt he channelling Keanu Reeves, but was it as stoner-dude Ted or bullet-time Neo?
maybe I am missing something... what does he want you to do?
ReplyDelete