Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."
Mrs. Etoh: "Yeah, I need to see Dr. Grumpy about my migraines, and a car accident."
Mary: "Okay... Generally he doesn't see legal cases. Are the 2 related?"
Mrs. Etoh: "Yeah, a migraine caused me to have a car accident, and I need someone willing to testify to that in court."
Mary: "I'm sorry, that isn't the sort of thing Dr. Grumpy does."
Mrs. Etoh: "Well, the police claim it was because my blood alcohol was 5 times the legal limit, so I need to find a neurologist to say it was falsely that high because of a migraine, and that I hadn't been drinking at all. Will he do that?"
Mary: "No. Have a nice day."
"Let's see. Do you have any connections at the DMV that could allow him to cut the line? If so he will consider it"
ReplyDeleteYou are so mean. And May is awesome.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I really admire patients for their frankness and honesty. This is not one of those times.
ReplyDeleteAnd he didn't ask for a handicapped parking placard, while he was looking for favors?
ReplyDeleteGo Mary!
ReplyDeleteMigraines cause your blood alcohol level to rise? Woo hoo! Bring on the Migraines!
ReplyDeleteWait. Stop. OW! OW! QUIT IT! OW! MY HEAD HURTS! OW! Ok, this is not a fun time to be drunk! STOP IT! OW! I TAKE IT BACK! OWWWWW!!!
Note to Mary: This is 2013, Obamacare is coming on like a freight train. Proper way to handle this type of inquiry is:
ReplyDeleteHow much are you willing to pay ?
Around my neck of the woods, 5X legal limit means you are dead.
Took me a minute to figure out what her name meant. I'm in physics, not chemistry.
ReplyDeleteClever, as always.
Well sometimes a migraine can feel kind of like a hangover, what with the headache and the nausea and all, but uhh... no.
ReplyDeleteThis so has to go in the Grumpy Book of Patient Shenanigans!
ReplyDeleteThis is why my department has abandoned DWI checkpoints, and initiated Migraine Checkpoints.
ReplyDeleteHmm. Let's say we look under 'L' for Little Red Riding Hood' or 'J' for Jack and the Beanstalk', but not 'N' for neurologist, shall we? Cuz, I just don't get how migraines make alcohol levels in the bloodstream increase when one has not been ingesting the stuff, unless, unless, I know, I know. By George!! I've got it!! She's running on pure alcohol already, maybe, and added vasospasticity from kinked capillaries has slowed the blood down in some areas of the vasculature, but in other blood vessels causes an elevated level? Oh, did you say that migraines are caused by blood pressure increases? And, not kinky blood vessels. Too bad. I was just pacing this wild goose chase and nearly gotten to the point where I could understand it.
ReplyDeleteWait, I know. She had a migraine and it caused her to black out and drink without knowing about it!!
ReplyDeleteat least Mary was polite about it? :P
ReplyDeleteMaybe high levels of alcohol are the next uh "alternative medicine" treatment for migraines? With that much booze, I'm sure you must forget you had a migraine in the first place, right? But what happens when you wake up the next morning with one hell of a hangover?
ReplyDeleteMary,
ReplyDeleteredirect her to the guy who wants someone to "hold" his car while he makes his scheduled appointment...maybe she won't need her driving licensure if only stays in the parking lot/garage?
Well, maybe she mistook her migraine medication for ambien. Then the ambien walrus showed up, got her drunk and insisted they go for a drive to pick up a spatula. It might work... Google "Ambien walrus comics" and you'll get the joke. The creator is www.toothpastefordinner.com. Super funny blog!
ReplyDelete