Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Great moments in Jewish parenting

"DAD! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE THAT YOU TOOK AWAY MY NINTENDO 3DS! YOU TOOK AWAY MY DIGNITY TOO! THIS IS WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE ONE OF THE MACCABEES, WHEN PHARAOH MADE THEM WORSHIP HIS GODS AND MADE THEM SLAVES AND JUDAH SAW THE BURNING BUSH FOR 8 DAYS AND SENT MOSES WITH A MENORAH TO TELL THE ROMANS TO LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!"
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41 comments:

  1. kath8562October 10, 2012 at 10:04 PM

    Oy, Vey....

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  2. BrentOctober 10, 2012 at 10:06 PM

    I would give him an "A" for creativity and a perssuasive arguement, but an "F" in religious studies.

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  3. AnonymousOctober 10, 2012 at 10:22 PM

    Scarred for life, these kids are.

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  4. AnonymousOctober 10, 2012 at 10:31 PM

    Oh the HUMANITY!

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  5. AnonymousOctober 10, 2012 at 10:37 PM

    Thousands of years from now, your confiscation of the Nintendo 3DS will sitll be spoken of...

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  6. AnonymousOctober 10, 2012 at 11:00 PM

    "Mom when you say No to me it takes away my power and my happiness."
    An 8 year old....

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  7. UnknownOctober 10, 2012 at 11:10 PM

    I am pretty sure that is how it happened.

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  8. Lisa October 10, 2012 at 11:28 PM

    What the hell? I'm a presbyterian with an evangelical education. I can get the story better than he did. Don't you dare give that Nintendo back. Make him earn it by getting the history right.

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  9. CharlesOctober 10, 2012 at 11:45 PM

    Ground him to his room; all electronics and other entertainment removed except for a copy of the torah, and a diet of nothing but water and matzo.

    Then in 40 days and nights time ask him how's his "dignity."

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  10. MooseOctober 10, 2012 at 11:46 PM

    Cannot. Stop. LAUGHING.

    I love your kids.

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  11. AnonymousOctober 10, 2012 at 11:48 PM

    So taking away his Nintendo is religious persecution?

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  12. AnonymousOctober 11, 2012 at 12:27 AM

    Go down Moses, way down to Promised Land, tell old Pharoah, oh, oh... to let my people go.

    How does Dr. Grumpy take all this conniving after his day in cuckoo-land? Where do you hide the smile? My father managed to always keep a straight face, but his twinkly eyes gave him away every time, and the crinkles in the corners.

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  13. Captain FoulenoughOctober 11, 2012 at 1:36 AM

    "Moses with a menorah" will be replacing "Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ" as my go-to oath.

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  14. BethOctober 11, 2012 at 1:48 AM

    Had to be Marie? Only a girl would be that dramatic

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  15. UnknownOctober 11, 2012 at 2:10 AM

    absolutely brilliant! I keep laughing every time I remember it :)
    Im just happy that since you took away his nintendo he didnt manage to get mario in on the story as well!!

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  16. AnonymousOctober 11, 2012 at 2:18 AM

    Lol. Smart kid.

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  17. AnonymousOctober 11, 2012 at 4:27 AM

    Charles.....I think it would need to be water, matzo, a few enemas and Johnny on the spot.

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  18. COctober 11, 2012 at 4:41 AM

    We're mostly Agnostic-so the kids just get all pissed and slam doors. The Burning Bush argument would be a pleasant change. *puts teaching World Religions on list of things to do this week*

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  19. Lisa HOctober 11, 2012 at 7:26 AM

    Reminds me of one the best Passover songs ever- They Tried to Kill Us (wwe survived, let's eat) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34atu3WGUgc

    Best line - Charlton Heston said"Pharoh you're a damned dirty ape".

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  20. Mama DOctober 11, 2012 at 7:39 AM

    My aunt got some hysterically mixed-up stories like that from kids when she taught CCD. Your kid needs some remedial Jewish history classes! ;)

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  21. AnonymousOctober 11, 2012 at 9:28 AM

    Did you manage to hold the laughter in, or was more dignity lost?

    I not only wouldn't give the DS back, I'd tell the Hebrew school teacher the miscreant needed extra help. Don't mess with mama-mama is sneakier and meaner than you, kid.

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  22. If I tell you I have to kill youOctober 11, 2012 at 9:38 AM

    Oy.

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  23. Jules SomeoneOctober 11, 2012 at 9:47 AM

    Moses with a Menorah is my Matisyahu cover band.

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  24. Yankee ConfederateOctober 11, 2012 at 10:37 AM

    Sounds like Idol worship to me. Better wander the house for 40 years...

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  25. LizOctober 11, 2012 at 1:23 PM

    Good Lord! I'm not sure I can even begin to count the number of biblical stories referenced in there! That is awesome and hilarious!

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  26. bobbieOctober 11, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    If 'twere Craig that said that, you could always just mess up his hair! That would REALLY hurt his dignity!!

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  27. ValOctober 11, 2012 at 2:57 PM

    Seconding "Moses with a menorah" to use as an oath. That was hilarious. XD

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  28. ValOctober 11, 2012 at 2:58 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  29. Cape Cod Step-MomOctober 11, 2012 at 4:01 PM

    My new favorite non-swear swear

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  30. Steeny LouOctober 11, 2012 at 4:39 PM

    I'm with Lisa:

    "Don't you dare give that Nintendo back. Make him earn it by getting the history right."

    LOL! (We need a simple "like" or "thumbs up" button in here.)

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  31. AnonymousOctober 11, 2012 at 5:01 PM

    So much for Hebrew school tuition.

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  32. AmyOctober 11, 2012 at 6:53 PM

    oh wow. Impressive. But, I always thought Moses was packin' a dreidel. Shows what I know. I also thing "Moses with a Menorah" is an awesome swear. My standard is "Judas H. On A Stick", at least MWAM makes sense. Thanks for sharing this.....

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  33. VicOctober 11, 2012 at 7:59 PM

    I think you need a new Hebrew School!

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  34. cliffintokyoOctober 12, 2012 at 4:13 AM

    I assume he still has his i-pad, which he used to look up all that stuff on Google.

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  35. Ms. DonnaOctober 12, 2012 at 2:05 PM

    Ok I have not stopped laughing, five minutes later. This should be a neuro test.(If you are not laughing, you need to be checked for death.)
    However.
    As others have pointed out, there are errors in the story. I agree with the other posters that the Nintendo (Tool of Satan to some, big kid pacifier to others) should not be returned until the kid in question gets the Passover story right, and the Maccabees straight.
    Let my people go, indeed!

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  36. ArdosaOctober 12, 2012 at 2:18 PM


    Is that comment bad enough to get close to the golden calf? does he then have to wander the house for 40 days (that's close to 40y child time) before he can be let into the promised land with electronics?

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  37. pharmacy chickOctober 13, 2012 at 1:20 AM

    LOL, a little Torah Review might be in order before the Nintendo is returned! hahahaha

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  38. heterodyneOctober 13, 2012 at 11:36 AM

    I just love children and their creativity! It's never boring :DD
    Kudos to whoever thought this up!

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  39. AnonymousOctober 14, 2012 at 5:18 PM

    hmmmmm.....that's an interesting take on combining and adding to Biblical stories. Did he think you wouldn't notice?

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  40. PackerOctober 15, 2012 at 9:45 AM

    Cut the crap and just beat them instead.

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  41. AnonymousOctober 16, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    Sounds like the 6th season finale of Doctor Who. That's what you get when you mess with a fixed point in time!

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So wadda you think?