Dr. Grumpy: "How you doing? You look tired."
Mrs. Colostrum: "It was a long night."
Dr. Grumpy: "Aren't you supposed to have your baby soon?"
Mrs. Colostrum: "Yeah, I delivered her this morning."
Dr. Grumpy: "THIS MORNING?"
Mrs. Colostrum: "Yeah, at Local Hospital next door."
Dr. Grumpy: "And they discharged you already?!!!"
Mrs. Colostrum: "Oh, no." (opens jacket, shows hospital gown underneath) "I just hate to miss scheduled appointments, so I walked over to your office. They think I'm at the gift shop."
Rightttttttttttt . LOL
ReplyDeleteI have to wonder what a new mother needs to purchase at a hospital gift shop...
ReplyDeleteBut outside of the US, this wouldn't have been that unusual -- when my daughter was born last November, we checked into the hospital about 12:15, she was born at 13:11, and we were discharged about 17:15. There was no reason for us to stay, and I certainly wanted to be back at home in my own bed for recovery.
Compare that to someone who can never make it to their appointment on time. How do you not strangle them after another lame excuse?
ReplyDeleteUnder the circumstances, I'm sure you would have been okay with her just calling to cancel.
ReplyDeleteI get charged $50 if I miss a scheduled appointment without a full business day's notification. But, I doubt I would come to see you. I didn't trust anyone with my newborns - especially the hospital!
ReplyDeleteWow.
ReplyDeletenow that is impressive!
ReplyDeleteAs the delivering doc, if I had known I would have told the HUC to call & notify you (not consult).
ReplyDeleteAnd in the gift shop is CANDY!!! And other treats, better than the vending machines on the floor.
There are people who play in the NFL who aren't that tough.
ReplyDeleteWhen we were younger, my wife miscarried and we were in the hospital room for 8 hours and no one came in to see her, no nurse, no doctor, no one. I went looking every hour asking if anyone was going to come and see her, check on her , look in. At midnight we got up, I got her dressed and we walked out the door, through the quiet halls, passed the nurses station, past the security desk and startled security guard and out. So I believe it can very easily be done.
There is a possibility that from time to time Dr. G. Just makes stuff up to see what they'll swallow.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have done this with my first; I'd had too many stitches and was in two much pain. With my second I had a birthing center birth (so no drugs) delivered at 7:30 and was on my way home before noon.
ReplyDeleteMy mom and I love the gift shop at our hospital! Our friends often get jealous with the beautiful watches and other jewelry that we get for great prices in the gift shop. They also have a lot of cute knick knacks around the shop. I've even done significant portions of my Christmas shopping at the gift shop! Great place!
ReplyDeleteBe happy she didn't have an early morning appointment. You'd have been doing the delivery!
ReplyDeleteNot her first baby, I take it?
ReplyDeleteAt least she did not see you when she was in active labor. I can hear GRumpy now: "Wrong end! Wrond END!"
ReplyDeleteMy son was born via c-section after 16 hours of labor. 4 hours after he was born I filled out, addressed and stamped all the birth announcements. 6 hours after he was born I took a shower. 2 days after he was born I had enough of the hospital and checked us both out. 6 days after he was born I drove 700 miles. I do think I would have cancelled a same day appointment, though.
ReplyDeleteHire her! Mary could use an assistant like her! Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor birth, will keep her from her appointed rounds.
ReplyDeleteMy sixth hospital birth was so uneventful, the doctor said I could go home if I wanted within a few hours of the birth, but I chose to spend a night there so I could at least get one last peaceful sleep. Maybe things are different here in Canada as far as discharge rules.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I gave birth to my seventh baby at home, alone. Well, not completely alone. My husband was present, and five of my other kids were in bed. Here's the story if anyone's interested:
http://holy-sheepdip.blogspot.ca/2012/03/giving-birth-alone-by-choice.html
Well? Did she or did she not still have pieces of the umbilical stuck in her teeth?
ReplyDeleteBest. Patient. Ever.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Anon 5:11. She is Xena Warrior Princess.
ReplyDeleteWow. That takes conscientiousness to a whole new (and possibly crazy) level!
ReplyDeleteI doubt I would have gone to a drs appointment that day but I delivered my second daughter at our birth center at 6:45 am and we were home by lunch time. Prior to going to the birthcenter I put our Thanksgiving turkey in a brine to soak that day and over night. The next day I hosted Thanksgiving. I did not even bother with going in the birthcenter with my first, I gave birth to her in the parking lot. In that case we did stay 6 hours.
ReplyDeleteAnd your response was...
ReplyDeleteSome of these stories make me realize how old I am. When I had my second and third sons the doctor told me I could go home right after (I felt fine) but that the baby couldn't leave for 48 hours. I lived 35 miles away and was nursing. I stayed.
ReplyDeleteshe would have survived in pioneer times , as would her children (at least 50%).
ReplyDeletehospital gift shops are the best! many times managed by volunteer programs: many a christas eve i have (along with my equally dysfunctional , time stressed co workers) spent filling out my list....
I was c-sectioned at 36 weeks for preeclampsia- 190/110 on meds and had rapidly packed on 30 lbs of water. I was sick. My epidural failed- too high. I couldn't breathe and had a BP in the 60's but could feel much of the action. 3 hours later I was up walking against med/nursing advice. Compared to how damn sick I was while pregnant, I felt AWESOME. I would have called to reschedule a routine appt tho- docs are terrified to touch the pregnant or recently delivered. "Go to L+D!". But I cut my hand off! "L and D I tell you!!!!"
ReplyDeleteHAHA! Your excuse for missing your appointment (I overslept my nap?!) is INVALID.
ReplyDeleteMy doctor would love to have patients like that. I suspect so many patients do not call in advance to cancel leaving an opening.
ReplyDeleteIf more patients were conscientious, such as Mrs. Colostrum, I suspect there would be less double and triple booking.
I was home both times within 3 hours after birth. I bet I did look very tired, though ;) And I have to concede I would have cancelled an appointment.
ReplyDeleteAs a mother of four, I'm surprised (and envious) that she remembered she had an appointment...
ReplyDeleteBut Dr. Grumpy, did you not notice that she was no longer pregnant?