Around Jewish holidays Local Grocery always puts up a display which varies depending on the holiday, featuring Matzoh, or Hanukah candles, or Hamantashen, or whatever is appropriate. They always hang a banner over it that says "The Jewish Experience."
Earlier this week I joked with a friend that if they really wanted to give shoppers "The Jewish Experience" they'd have some old lady there, telling people to stand up straight and making them feel guilty about something.
It was a joke. That was all.
So last night, on the way home, I stopped at the store for apples and a round challah for Rosh Hashanah. I found the "Jewish Experience" display with a pile of challahs, grabbed one... And was blindsided. This ancient silver-haired grandmother pounced on me out of nowhere.
Grandma Crabgrass: "That one's not fresh."
Dr. Grumpy: "Excuse me?"
Grandma Crabgrass: "That challah. It isn't fresh."
Dr. Grumpy: "It feels fresh."
Grandma Crabgrass: "It's not."
Dr. Grumpy: "Fine" (puts down challah A, grabs challah B, starts to turn away)
Grandma Crabgrass: "That one's stale, too. They're all hard as rocks."
Dr. Grumpy: "They're fine. It's not like they're leftover from last year's Rosh Hashanah."
Grandma Crabgrass: "How do you know? Your mother wouldn't approve of that challah."
Dr. Grumpy: "Look. I'm taking this challah and leaving."
Grandma Crabgrass: "You'll need two."
She wasn't even one of my patients.
sounds like something out of a Seinfeld episode. Oy Vey!
ReplyDeleteAnd you thought they didn't listen to customers!
ReplyDeleteHow entertaining! Did Granny direct you to the full price artisanal challahs in the bakery or something?
Be careful what you wish for! Hahaha.
ReplyDeleteChalla back, yo.
ReplyDeleteAsk and ye shall receive...
ReplyDeleteSo, was she right about the challah?
The bread was fine. The lady, however, seemed stale. I have a suspicion I'll be seeing her in my office soon.
ReplyDeleteYet. She's not one of your patients yet.
ReplyDeleteAs a random aside, how is Carson settling in?
Bwahahaha. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteHappy Holidays!
We had to sell Carson on Amazon. 3 kids are enough.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've laughed louder from one of your posts before. XD!
ReplyDeletedid she bother you only? or did she do the same thing to everyone there to pick up the bread?
ReplyDeleteNo idea. I got the hell out.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing honey doesn't have a shelf life! You can use the one you bought in the early 70's and it will be just fine.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, Ibee!
"I think challahs can be very sensuous, don't you?"
ReplyDeleteYou asked for it.
ReplyDeleteShana tova!
ReplyDeletebwahahaha @ RehabRN's response!!!
ReplyDeleteL' Shana Tova Dr!!!
~Francine
Awesome!!!!!
ReplyDeleteL'Shanah Tovah, Dr. Grumpy!
ReplyDeleteShe should have said, "Take two challah and see me at temple in the morning."
ReplyDeleteI shoulda been born a Jew.
ReplyDeleteL'chaim! And L'shana tova, Doc.
ReplyDeleteWait till you see what she does for Yom Kippur!
So...you suspect the store has employed her to enhance the Jewish Experience?
ReplyDeleteSaw a commercial for artisan pizza from Domino's today and thought of you.
ReplyDeleteperfect for those whose guilt has not already taken them home to momma's approved challa
ReplyDeleteTough love is just so hard to take from strangers, especially silver haired grannies, Jewish or not.
ReplyDeleteAs a WASP from a state with a %0.1 Jewish population, I had to look up what a challah was. Looks quite tasty.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand I've seen old ladies being critical of the quality of ribs to be BBQed, so I suspect it's an old lady thing, not specific to any culture.
L'chaim to you, your family, and Craig's hair! I hope the challah was delicious.
ReplyDeleteAs for Carson, did you list him on Ebay and Craig's List too? Come to think of it, you could try to sell Craig's hair too, did you keep it after the dreaded hair cut?
ReplyDeleteWhat is it with boys and their hair these days? I had more boys futzing with their hair in class, after PE, recess and during the lunch hour than my girls did. At the end of the school year I had more combs in my desk (they had to be dropped and sealed in a Ziplock bag) than Sally's Beauty Supply has at their warehouse, and not a one belonged to my girls (these were 4th and 5th graders).
Oy!
So if it's stale, and your mother wouldn't approve, why does she want you to buy two?
ReplyDeleteL'chaim to the Grumpy clan! and for those of you who think challah is only consumed by the Chosen People, this goy's family waits for the Jewish holidays to get their treat.
ReplyDelete