Wednesday, June 29, 2011

EEEEEYYYAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sir, I think the test you're referring to is the PSA for prostate cancer.

While it is, like a mammogram, part of preventative health care, the two tests are not at all similar.

It is NOT called a "penogram", and doesn't involve having your winkie squashed between metal plates.

Thank you. Now go get your blood drawn.
at

28 comments:

  1. Nite NurseJune 29, 2011 at 8:19 AM

    If it was just the same, men would NEVER have it done.

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  2. Grumpy, M.D.June 29, 2011 at 8:22 AM

    You'll get no argument from me.

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  3. CherylJune 29, 2011 at 8:33 AM

    This is a classic.

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  4. SuFu PhDJune 29, 2011 at 8:37 AM

    after having to have a mammogram i think would rather die of penile cancer than have a penogram.... or a penectomy

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  5. TeriJune 29, 2011 at 9:23 AM

    Preventative? ;-)

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  6. AnonymousJune 29, 2011 at 9:37 AM

    Where did your patient get this ridiculous idea?

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  7. kate sweetenJune 29, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    Well, I mean, come on...fair is fair, right? ;)

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  8. Grumpy, M.D.June 29, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    I don't ask. It's better that way.

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  9. Shanniel ShakespeareJune 29, 2011 at 10:58 AM

    What's next referring to a Pap smear as a vaginogram? lol...these patients sure are creative!!

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  10. Officer CynicalJune 29, 2011 at 11:12 AM

    Did you tell him where they do the blood draw from for PSA, though???

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  11. PA HoneybeeJune 29, 2011 at 11:25 AM

    Now that I have experienced a mammo, I can certainly agree with Kate! What's fair is fair-and painful.

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  12. LauraJune 29, 2011 at 12:34 PM

    uh, shouldn't that be 'preventive' (JAMA. 1964; 189(9): 700)

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  13. SKJune 29, 2011 at 12:46 PM

    Well, Dr. Grumps, FYI, there is an exam where you put and compress your wiener between hard plats, incredibly using the same mammogram machine. It´s the penis radiography, used to detect calcified plaques of Peyronie´s disease. Not kidding.

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  14. genaJune 29, 2011 at 1:36 PM

    Good grief! How do you not start snickering when your patients come up with this stuff?

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  15. ThatgirlJune 29, 2011 at 1:45 PM

    On the upside, compared to what he was imagining the test should be no problem.

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  16. Frantic PharmacistJune 29, 2011 at 3:10 PM

    Owww. Although I have had a few customers who I'd like to see get the winkie press. Big time.

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  17. AnonymousJune 29, 2011 at 3:37 PM

    "But first, I need to finish your neurological exam. Stick your head between the metal plates, please."

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  18. MockingbirdJune 29, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    Well, I would like to know what treatment that is where your oppenus is pressed between plates-because I had it done to me. Doc said it was proof I had the Commie ghonnarear when all that red gooo shot out the end.
    It cost $360, too.

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  19. AnonymousJune 29, 2011 at 7:38 PM

    penography is done in the tattoo parlor

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  20. MooseJune 29, 2011 at 8:19 PM

    It's just amazing what people want to stick in the waffle iron.

    Just. ya know. Saying.

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  21. AnonymousJune 29, 2011 at 8:44 PM

    Could be worse. Imagine if there was screening for testicular cancer than involved squishing the testes between metal plates?

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  22. PollyJune 29, 2011 at 10:42 PM

    Maybe he'd heard about the manogram? http://www.1funny.com/manogram.shtml

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  23. DalaiJune 29, 2011 at 10:56 PM

    Don't laugh. There is a delightful test called a corpora cavernosogram, wherein dye is injected directly into the member in question...

    http://www.springerimages.com/Images/MedicineAndPublicHealth/1-10.1007_s00261-008-9463-x-13

    Ouchy wa waaaaHHH!!!!

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  24. bogartJune 30, 2011 at 12:21 AM

    Yikes.

    Though if I may grumble, neither the mammogram nor the PSA is either preventive or preventative ... each (may) allow for early treatment; neither prevents anything. As there's some question about the circumstances under which each is useful, I'm prepared to claim my quibble is more than semantics.

    Though, in fairness, I realize as a neurologist you may not need to focus to closely on either debate (who can benefit from PSA or mammogram).

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  25. AnonymousJune 30, 2011 at 4:23 AM

    @Anonymous 17:44

    Ouch! Just thinking about that brings tears to my eyes.

    Andy

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  26. arzt4empfaengerJuly 1, 2011 at 3:32 AM

    Mwahaha! No, I don't think this would be comfortable...

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  27. cliffintokyoJuly 1, 2011 at 5:21 AM

    You missed a real opportunity to really shrivel his winkie by just leading him on a little with his bizarre notions!
    (I suspect that most cruel dudes probably have a wicked sense of humor too)

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  28. ChristieJuly 15, 2011 at 10:00 AM

    My new favorite word is penogram.

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So wadda you think?