Thursday, March 24, 2011

Jupiter is lovely this time of year

Dr. Grumpy: "Are you allergic to anything?"

Mrs. Flake: "Oxygen. I can't be anywhere near the stuff. I can't breathe it at all. Just being around it makes me horribly sick. I can only go places where there isn't any, so I don't accidentally inhale it."
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48 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 6:49 AM

    Move to Los Angeles or Phoenix, and you won't have any problems! No Oxygen around here...

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  2. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 6:54 AM

    I don't know, Dr Grumpy. Oxygen affects me exactly the same way and I resent you making a joke out of it.

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  3. MickeyMarch 24, 2011 at 6:58 AM

    For the record, oxygen compounds are quite abundant on Jupiter, as in most of the universe.

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  4. Grumpy, M.D.March 24, 2011 at 7:01 AM

    Yes, but it sounded better than "Asteroid 17652A is lovely this time of year."

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  5. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 7:27 AM

    Probably afraid that it will explode when she lights her next cigarette.

    Advice if she isn't already a smoker: start smoking immediately. It gets rid of any stay O2 molecules immediately.

    A well, probably O2 deprivation at birth. Shame.

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  6. RatMarch 24, 2011 at 8:03 AM

    She's probably allergic to DHMO as well. Terrible stuff, that. Lethal if inhaled. Someone should do something about it!

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  7. OMDGMarch 24, 2011 at 8:25 AM

    Maybe she was referring to the TV station and meant "watch" when she said "breathe?"

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  8. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 9:13 AM

    Hahahaha I am pretty sure I have actually heard this one before too. spooky- the oxygen-haters are multiplying! could be a horror movie in the making...

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  9. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 9:22 AM

    Dr. Grumpy, how do you keep a straight face?! I would lose it immediately upon hearing this nonsense.

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  10. Grumpy, M.D.March 24, 2011 at 9:23 AM

    Years of practice.

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  11. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    I just want to know what you said in response. I'd be dumbfounded.

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  12. Grumpy, M.D.March 24, 2011 at 10:15 AM

    I asked if there were any major illnesses in her family. It's best to just move on. Trust me.

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  13. AmandaMarch 24, 2011 at 10:32 AM

    I just can't believe that you could find the strength to move on without exploring this amazing non-oxygen-using patient. She should be studied...

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  14. CarolMarch 24, 2011 at 10:54 AM

    You should be an actor in your next life-you've had wonderful training. I'm horrible at it, I laugh in peoples faces when they pull that kind of fuckwittery.

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  15. PackerMarch 24, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    So Grumpy : Is it youthful drug activity, alcohol use or aging factors or organic brain disease that is causing the rampant spread of the stupidity epidemic that you are witness to? My own theory is that drug and alcohol abuse lead to a lot of problems--but then I view it from lawyers perspective.

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  16. watercolordaisyMarch 24, 2011 at 12:00 PM

    hahahaaa!!! awesome!

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  17. bobbieMarch 24, 2011 at 12:08 PM

    Reminds me of a patient who told me he was allergic to epinephrine... His 'allergy' symptoms? "It makes my heart race."!!!
    Wonder if he'd have sued us if he coded and we used Epi???

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  18. KateMarch 24, 2011 at 12:27 PM

    I'm really hoping she meant ozone and was just confused.

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  19. AbsentbabinskiMarch 24, 2011 at 12:57 PM

    That is priceless and something I think I'll bring up in my next comm's session: How to deal with the really bizarre stuff.

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  20. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 1:58 PM

    OMG!! I think I know her.

    I was just talking with an ICU nurse about allergies. Her favorite was a patient "allergic" to lasix because it made them pee a lot.

    I shared, mine was a patient who shared she was "allergic" to oxygen.

    I resisted the urge to ask her how she got to be 75 years old!!

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  21. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    I had an ICU patient say he was allergic to nitrogen once. Nickel? Nitro? Nifedipine? You sure? Ok, I won't give you any nitrogen then. Not being anesthesia, I could at least honestly promise that.

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  22. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    And then there's that nasty hydrogen stuf...

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  23. legalalienMarch 24, 2011 at 2:36 PM

    I had some Grumpy Acting school inc practice the other day when a patient declared allergy to all water in any form, and then proceeded to sip on her Diet Coke. I know Grumpy et al will profess that it is 100% pure goodness, but the cynic in me believes there might be a trace of the wet stuff too. Somehow i pulled a straight face until out of view.

    @Carol: Fuckwittery is definitely a word that'll be entering my lexicon. Thank you for that.

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  24. ERPMarch 24, 2011 at 2:37 PM

    Wow. An anaerobic human. Cool.

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  25. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 3:00 PM

    She's probably allergic to H2O as well...

    Neurologist/psychiatrist... the lines are blurred for you, I believe.

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  26. MikeyMarch 24, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    Rat: DHMO is a misnomer: water is not ionic. It's called hydroxic acid, or hydrogen hydroxide (as an alkali).

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  27. Mr MobiusMarch 24, 2011 at 3:40 PM

    I don't have the ability to not smile when thinking like that, so instead I smile and nod reassuringly so they think I'm being a little sympathetic while inside I'm thinking 'crazy'. The problem is, psychiatry may in a few years become my chosen speciality where I'll hear crazy stuff all day every day.

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  28. Not HouseMarch 24, 2011 at 3:52 PM

    You sure she wasn't actually a giant Clostridium?

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  29. Captain FoulenoughMarch 24, 2011 at 3:55 PM

    Mrs Flake is famous--this is her on vacation, some years back.

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  30. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    OK, I think this finally proves it without a shadow of a doubt: Most of your patients come from an alternate reality, and not the one the rest of us inhabit.

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  31. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 6:13 PM

    Well she's in for a tough road. On another note, Nitrous Oxide makes me violently sick. Who knows why.

    "Fuckwittery" ftw.

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  32. Therrin (Ben S)March 24, 2011 at 6:46 PM

    You should write a paper on her.

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  33. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 6:47 PM

    agree w/ erp. sulfur based anaerobic metabolism. oxygen is toxic.

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  34. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 8:20 PM

    Did you know that oxygen is highly addictive? Just take one or two breaths of it and you'll find it just about impossible to quit.

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  35. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 9:08 PM

    I was married once upon a time and my wife insisted that her dermatologist had told her that she was allergic to WATER. I tried to explain to her that water is not a complex enough molecule to cause an allergy. She is now a longstanding ex-wife.

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  36. UnknownMarch 24, 2011 at 9:09 PM

    Had a patient come in with huge list of 48 allergies. Included in it was:
    The Sun - Not sure how she survived this one?
    Meat
    Vegatables
    Fruit
    Shellfish
    Nuts
    Wheat
    Soy
    Dairy
    (Not much left to eat after all this?)
    We just entered the orders along with a good dose of benadryl and figuered the nurses could handle it.

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  37. LilorfnannieMarch 24, 2011 at 9:11 PM

    I like that phrase, "from an alternate reality, and not the one the rest of us inhabit." That's awesome. Reminds me of my mother- I've known since age 17 that her version of reality was not the same as everyone elses'. (Keeping that in mind makes it easier to remember not to bother to argue with her or attempt to explain myself to her.)

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  38. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 9:31 PM

    My father-in-law believes he's allergic to alcohol because he once threw up after drinking six beers in a row.

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  39. The MotherMarch 24, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    Good thing there's only 20% or so in most places, huh?

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  40. terri cMarch 25, 2011 at 12:53 AM

    Anon 8:31--this seems like a very adaptive misperception, I have a lotta folks I'd like your FIL to convince!

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  41. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    NotHouse, LMAO!

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  42. MsCeeMarch 25, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    People can actually be allergic to water and alcohol. It may seem crazy, and it is super rare (the water allergy by far), but it's possible. Now Oxygen...well, if she wasn't living in some anaerobic bubble, then well, you sure do get a lot of crazies Dr.G

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  43. RehabRNMarch 26, 2011 at 2:44 PM

    Grumpy:

    Did you train with the psychiatrists at your med school?

    I heard in the old, old school days the neuros and the psychs all trained together.

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  44. AnonymousMarch 28, 2011 at 1:30 PM

    I had a patient at the pharmacy tell me that she was allergic to calcium, and that she could not consume any at all. I made the mistake of telling her that her bones were made with calcium, and was rebuffed with "No! I would die if there was any calcium in my body." I asked her what her bones were made of, and she answered, "I dunno, something else! But not calcium, I would DIE!" I stopped asking.

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  45. UnknownMarch 29, 2011 at 12:25 PM

    Grumpy M.D. - you're a hero! I really think I know someone with the O2 allergy. She has been tested for allergies and has none, but "the tests are wrong" because she knows she's allergic to dogs, strawberries & "the smell of paint".
    Do you have any advice for dealing with hypochrondrics? She sees a neurologist, cardiologist, orthopedic specialist, dermatologist, head ache specialist, gastroenterologist & more!! I think she needs a psychiatrist, but I'm not a professional.

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  46. AnonymousMarch 30, 2011 at 5:09 AM

    This woman needs an Alpine Instructor, not a Doctor.
    The best antidote for oxygen allergy is mountain climbing!

    Regarding moving on, how about just posting an "Aliens Welcome" sign in your Waiting Room?
    Or do you think this might discourage legit. business?

    WV: pusness - yuk!

    Cliff

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  47. UnknownMarch 30, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    My personal favorite was the patient who said he was allergic to two milligrams of Dilaudid, but not four milligrams.

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  48. AnonymousMarch 31, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    I am an oxygen addict. I even forge fake prescriptions and try to get early refills. Give me 500 ccs of the good stuff.

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So wadda you think?