Saturday, February 12, 2011

My readers write

From the wonderful world of law enforcement, my reader Officer Cynical sent in this story yesterday:

"This morning I arrested a woman for DUI, after she drove off the street and hit a tree at 7:30 a.m. She was quite drunk, and thought it was 11:00 at night and that she was going to her overnight shift at Walmart.

Anyway, once in the little ER exam room for blood draws and jail clearance, my partner said to her: "Doris, this may take a while. Why don't you have a seat?"

She said "I can't sit down. I have a turd in my pants."
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20 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 2:10 PM

    This is just sad. Can't anyone be a decent drunk anymore?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cthulhu SashimiFebruary 12, 2011 at 2:17 PM

    "I made it myself. It's artisanal."

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 2:23 PM

    "I was working my shift at Walmart and my hands were full and so I just stuck it in there for a minute and then I forgot about it. I was going to pay for it, honest..."

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 2:28 PM

    "And I have a maxi-pad in my lower GI tract. What can I say, I got mixed up."

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 2:40 PM

    "I also have one in my bra."

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 2:52 PM

    "His name is Timmy and he's my bestest friend in the whole wide world. We were just out celebrating his 21st birthday."

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 3:42 PM

    Was it hers?

    ReplyDelete
  8. bobbieFebruary 12, 2011 at 4:46 PM

    Cthulhu ~ you're killin' me!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. terri cFebruary 12, 2011 at 4:59 PM

    Well, at least she had SOME orientation. Not time, not place, but something.


    Wv: deductio

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 5:58 PM

    The words you never want to hear your date say to the maître d'...

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    "Wait a second......okay, now I have two."

    ReplyDelete
  12. John WoolmanFebruary 12, 2011 at 6:07 PM

    Cops and physicians start out as idealists and rapidly turn cynical. Lawyers start cynical and get worse. And drunks (and druggies) are often the catalyst for the change in all three groups.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    Well....honesty is the best policy.


    Also, Dr.G...did you and Knucklehead have a disagreement? I notice that neither one of you lists eachothers blogs as recommended reading.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 9:21 PM

    "The bar was running a 2-for-1 special on pitchers of rum-and-Ex-Lax. What choice did I have?"

    ReplyDelete
  15. ERPFebruary 12, 2011 at 9:25 PM

    She needs "Oops I crapped my pants" disposable undergarments.

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 9:30 PM

    One Mudslide too many...

    ReplyDelete
  17. SocratesFebruary 13, 2011 at 2:41 AM

    Γνώθι σαυτόν.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Brenda HelversonFebruary 13, 2011 at 7:38 PM

    John Woolman said (in part)Lawyers start cynical and get worse.

    Some are like that and those are the lawyers that succeed. Others go into law school for the right reasons and soon find that their faith in the legal system was entirely misplaced. Been there, done that. You cannot function as a caring person in the law because the system has been thorughly corrupted.

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousFebruary 13, 2011 at 9:36 PM

    Reminds me of an incident many years ago when I had a prescription forger arrested. He ran & 1 of the cops chasing him slipped,tore his pants,skinned his knee & scratched up his gun. He was pissed & drew said gun on the perp. When they returned to the pharmacy for initial questions,I offered the bad guy a seat. He said he'd better stand because he'd shat himself.

    I suspect Brenda H. above has a very valid point.

    ReplyDelete
  20. DorisFebruary 14, 2011 at 8:55 AM

    Hey, that wasn't me!

    REALLY!

    ReplyDelete

So wadda you think?