Or are you interested in surgery, but don't like the idea of some stranger you've barely met seeing you naked and operating on you?
Well, Amazon has the answer for you!
Yes, for only $258.95 you can order your own laparoscopic bypass surgical kit! I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!
Now (unless you don't have $258.95 + shipping) there's no reason for you not to have surgery. You can order this kit today, which (according to Amazon) features everything needed for the surgery. (NOTE- The kit for sale is new. Used kits are not listed, but I suspect they're cheaper).
Finally, you have the opportunity to improve your weight in the privacy of your own home, and don't have to worry about some surgeon (who you've just met, and who may not really be qualified) taking you to the OR. This time the surgery can be done by the person who knows your body best- YOU! Or, if you prefer, you can invite a few friends over. I'm sure they can help you figure out where to cut and what to do with the leftover pieces.
So what are you waiting for? Make this YOUR year! Order the kit, get a few bottles of strong whiskey for anesthesia (hell, it worked for frontier dentists), and invite friends over for a bypass party!
If you don't believe me, click the link here.
Don't miss the 5 star customer review. This boggles me, although I suppose that it shouldn't. I think that MAD magazine, many years ago, had an article on do it yourself surgery. That was satire.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to Amazon next offering build your own nuclear power generators, complete with uranium.
I can't wait to see what fun things the uneducated person does with the blue plastic light-handle covers! They could actually be quite inventive!
ReplyDeleteKimberly in OK
http://www.lasikathome.com/
ReplyDeleteSome things one would really not care to know.
ReplyDeleteWho is selling this...so, where is it coming from?
Amazon isn't selling is as a "do it yourself" project.
ReplyDeleteThe company that's behind is just selling it to anyone- be it a doctor, or hospital, or a person who's doing surgery in their woodshed.
Wow, I had no idea Amazon sold medical supplies. I sure hope the actual seller has some controls on who gets to buy. . .
ReplyDeleteObviously, the "review" is satire, but--okay, that's just creepy!
With all the prescription drug back-orders out there, I never thought to just check Amazon! (I'll bet Klonopin gets a 5-star review!)
ReplyDeleteHoly cow that's just crazy!
ReplyDeleteConsidering the number of gullible idiots out there, I'm not sure which is scarier, this or the LASIK at home....
ReplyDelete... There are not enough vowels in the word "Aaaaauuugh" to properly express my horror.
ReplyDeleteWell, I was going to order it, but it isn't "Amazon Prime" eligible. The shipping charges throw it right out of my budget range. Oh well. Maybe next year.
ReplyDelete-lpnmon
Wow. I had to close my browser, go have some caffeine, and then look again to make sure I wasn't dreaming!
ReplyDeleteSweet! I'll finally be able to fit into that cool "Three Wolf Moon" shirt I got last year!
ReplyDeleteI thought the FDA limited who could buy what medical equipment...
ReplyDeleteWow, that's just totally insane! Sure, I research the hell out of a physician before I let them operate on me (and I know the right places to look), but you can be 100% certain I'd never trust someone without the necessary qualifications, and that includes myself and my friends. This has to be one of the craziest things I've seen on your blog...and your comment regarding anesthesia is just the final confirmation of the wackiness of this whole idea. Sometimes the mind just boggles completely.
ReplyDeletewiki kalin. wisconsin self surgery
ReplyDeleteProbably about as safe as do it yourself obstetrics at home... (and for those so inclined Amazon do supply c-section and emergency home delivery packs).
ReplyDeleteIt says, Qty of 3, so you really can invite a couple of friends over for the party.
ReplyDeleteBut, you still have to buy (or possibly rent) the endoscope. Amazon doesn't have one listed. The cheapest human one now listed on ebay is about $900.
And you might need a book on endoscopy to get started. There are some of those on Amazon for about $30.
Even with those added costs, it is still a real bargain.
Did you notice?! It is 3 kits in 1 package! I kid you not. Get 2 of your most macho, chunky friends together and with some strong adult beverages, you can hold something akin to a Tupperware party. I SO see this taking off...
ReplyDeleteFor a moment, I considered re-posting this. Then I got to thinking about my friends and how some of them are dumb as bricks. Having someone's botched DIY Gastric Bypass surgery hanging over my head is not on my list of goals for 2011. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting for the do-it-yourself bladder suspension kit, which I really needed when I read the comments on this product on Amazon.
ReplyDeleteOh no! Bad Grumpy!
ReplyDeleteBefore you know it everyone's gonna have DIY surgery and put us out of business. (DIY plastics on the rehab crowd...argh!)
I just can't wait for everyone to get sepsis.
But, I'm sure they'll have a kit (DIY ICU) for that.
Oh.My.Hell.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of that commercial years ago where the Dr. is trying to instruct a patient over the phone on where to make a surgical incision. The patient is at home sitting at his dinner table, dressed in a robe with a butter knife in his hand. LOL
I am gonna research my own sterile supplies in case I ever need surgery. Cause I know for a fact the hospital charges at least 3 times that amount for a custom sterile pack.
ReplyDeleteBYOS! (bring your own supplies)
The customer review is priceless as well.
ReplyDeleteI just don't even know what to say about this! I guess I just need a giant mirror and directions on google.
DOES IT COME WITH A "HANDY CARRYING CASE?" AKA A BODY BAG..FOR PROPER DISPOSAL OF WHAT IS LEFT OF YOU??
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't get is the tag "Ethiopia" that someone has put on it! That is just sick!
ReplyDelete...And my word verification is coffst (might be what happens to anyone who does attempt to use the kit, but I suspect that might be more like croaksit)
My friend's dad actually performed his own vasectomy. No kidding. (Granted, he was a urologist.)
ReplyDeletethats really scary...and sad that i could see some of the people that come into my ER stupid enough to try it
ReplyDeleteNYTimes's David Pogue mentioned that there's a bunch of fake amazon postings with accompanying comments in the right spirit. There's one, for instance for a large lot of uranium.
ReplyDeleteThis listing, under the "customers also looked at" section has a Parent-Child Testing Product for $20,035.98. If it guarantees perfect children, or parents, it's even more of a bargain than the DIY bariatrics.
Sign me up.
...and the same company sells an amniocentesis tray, for another fun DIY experience.
ReplyDeleteWell, I mean, there's got to be a youtube video out there showing people how to do this. This is America, anyone can do anything, right?
ReplyDeleteAmazon was also selling a book written by a pedophile about how to love children. I'm not exactly sure I would buy much of anything from Amazon, much less a kit to do my own surgery.
ReplyDeleteNote-they did pull the pedophiles' book.
At a point you start to get the feeling that there is nothing on this green earth that can creep you out any more, then someone comes up with a blog posting that just makes you scream. Nicely played Doc.
ReplyDeleteCustomers who viewed this also viewed: Prank Fake Home Pregnancy Test: Always Positive! by Big Mouth Toys.
ReplyDeleteI can't even decide on the most appropriate "come-back!"
OMG - Check out the Customer Reviews for the Parent Child Testing Product ($20,035.98). I swear, the reviews are *almost* better than Grumpy's blog!!!
ReplyDelete....I just checked this out, and noticed of the 5 kits in stock, 2 are new. Just two are new?!!?
ReplyDeleteI am agog... Absolutely agape...
ReplyDeleteSo, where's the thingie that makes the beeper sound and the lights blink if you touch the sides?
Leftover pieces?
ReplyDeleteFire up that there BBQ Robbie-Ray, we's eatin' meat tonight!
My guess would be the kit is being sold for BDSM Medical Play purposes, and that's what the majority of people would be purchasing it for. A kit like that, specifically, might also be tied in with a feeder, or stuffer fetish (eg the submissive partner being 'given' a 'weight loss surgery' so that the dominant is able to exert/show their ownership, and control over the submissive's body - pre-negotiated, and all consensual of course). Sometimes the participants don't even care for anything specific, so long as it looks appropriately medical. I could think of half a dozen uses for most of the equipment shown in the picture, none of which involve doing a laparoscopic bypass, pretend or otherwise.
ReplyDeleteIt's called a 'Medical Fetish', not something I personally get into all that much, but each to their own. At least you can rest easy knowing the chances of someone actually doing surgery on themselves is pretty remote, and people are just buying the kit to get freaky with it. :)
I heard Michael Jackson's doc is out of a job, and he comes with leftover free Propofol, if anyone wants home anesthesia.
ReplyDeleteI've seen similar things for people to bring with them when having a medical procedure overseas, especially in the third world. The idea is that the hospital would be able to work on you, but the supplies they would be using wouldn't be single use, sterilized and packed just for you, but rather of the more old fashioned glass and metal, 'resharpen the needles and put the batch in the autoclave' variety. If you want the modern stuff, you'll have to bring your own. I've known folks in the peace corps too who carried a few odds and ends for emergencies like sutures kits and needles so that if they got hurt the local docs wouldn't be using questionable supplies.
ReplyDelete