A Blog detailing the insanity of my medical practice and the stupidity of everyday life.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Patient quote of the day
"I have an excellent sense of smell. I can especially smell vanilla. My husband and I once measured it, and found I can smell an open bottle of vanilla from 8 3/4 miles away."
To further expound upon the vanilla comment. My spouse is a law enforcement officer. They once got dispatched to a SuperMarket, specifically the dumpster out back, where an unresponsive man lay passed out. Surrounding him were 20 bottles ( 118mL each)of Vanilla extract -35% alcohol in each bottle. My spouse gave him a hard sternum rub. Nothing. Rubbed his sternum hard again. Still nothing. Pulled him up and his head whacked the dumpster... nothing. Nothing was stirring him. He was out of it! Medics took him away, he was fine when he came to. But I remember my spouse saying, "That was the best smelling drunk I have EVERY encountered."
Makes me wonder just how scientific their test was. Did they knock on every single door in the area to make sure their test bottle was the only one open? Or did the drive to the middle of nowhere and walk away from each other with him holding the open bottle until she couldn't smell it anymore? Is there a tape measure that would work for that, or what?!
Dr. Grumpy... you have cheated us of the details as to how exactly they conducted the experiment! I mean, I know you don't want to encourage them all. But sometimes don't you just HAVE to ask?!
Perhaps she confuses miles and feet. Then again, last year I smelled someone's vegetable dip from across the room and thought "That's weird. I normally can't smell that well unless I'm preg...
Ohh Julie, you just reminded me of when I was pregnant with my first baby and rode a bus to work each day. Come the start of the winter, other passengers would get their winter woollies out and start wearing them, and I would smell the mothballs as they got on the bus. Cedar...nice. Naphthalene...ugh. Worst were the people wearing garments made from wool that still had the lanolin in it---uurrrgghhhh.
WOW!! And it was only vanilla. Just think, she would still be walking in the other direction if it was peppermint. I would love to know how that conversation started in the first place. What was your response to this revelation? Were the Guiness people involved in some way? Its not official unless they are you know. I was once part of a five mile leep-frog line, but they didn't show up so it didn't count. Oh well!
It always annoys me when people claim "cranial nerves 1-12 NAD" in their admission notes, when in reality the 1st nerve is almost never tested. In this lady however....
Such a talent!!!
ReplyDeleteOh my. This patient and her husband sure know how to have fun, don't they?
ReplyDeleteBrilliant. She should join the K-9 unit.
ReplyDelete"Yeah, this is Officer Stevens. The missing lady was last seen carrying an open bottle of vanilla. Can you call the vanilla tracker in?"
ReplyDeleteThat's quite a talent. Are you sure you're not a veterinarian?
ReplyDeleteThe blood hounds will be jealous.
ReplyDeleteI'm always shocked that these patients almost always have a spouse. I guess there really is someone out there for everyone...
ReplyDeleteSugar Cookies! Yumm...
ReplyDeleteBwhahahaha
Wow - boredom really can reveal many hidden talents!
ReplyDeleteTo further expound upon the vanilla comment. My spouse is a law enforcement officer. They once got dispatched to a SuperMarket, specifically the dumpster out back, where an unresponsive man lay passed out. Surrounding him were 20 bottles ( 118mL each)of Vanilla extract -35% alcohol in each bottle. My spouse gave him a hard sternum rub. Nothing. Rubbed his sternum hard again. Still nothing. Pulled him up and his head whacked the dumpster... nothing. Nothing was stirring him. He was out of it! Medics took him away, he was fine when he came to. But I remember my spouse saying, "That was the best smelling drunk I have EVERY encountered."
ReplyDeleteVinceD for the win ....
ReplyDeleteMakes me wonder just how scientific their test was. Did they knock on every single door in the area to make sure their test bottle was the only one open? Or did the drive to the middle of nowhere and walk away from each other with him holding the open bottle until she couldn't smell it anymore? Is there a tape measure that would work for that, or what?!
ReplyDeleteUm, lady, that would be the vanilla you spilt on your hand while opening the bottle.
ReplyDeleteSure she can.
ReplyDeleteother possibilities:
ReplyDelete1. woman's concept of "mile" is shaky and/or intuitive
2. spouse likes to maintain a certain distance, say 8-9 miles away, for own purposes
Dr. Grumpy... you have cheated us of the details as to how exactly they conducted the experiment! I mean, I know you don't want to encourage them all. But sometimes don't you just HAVE to ask?!
ReplyDeleteSome people really need to find lives, ya know?
ReplyDeleteI just can't believe the essence of this story.....
ReplyDeleteAnyway, that's nothing...I can smell a twinkie in my car with all the doors and windows locked!
I smell...bullshit?
ReplyDeleteWhat a rubbish super power!
ReplyDeleteYeah, definitely sidekick material.
ReplyDeleteMight be a new world record.
ReplyDelete8 1/2 miles away and I was upwind of it at the time
ReplyDeleteThe correct reply:
ReplyDelete"And I can smell a bullshit artist from, well, back up a couple steps."
the who ca. 1972- i can smell for miles and miles and....
ReplyDeleteI think they have too much time on their hands is what I think!
ReplyDeletePerhaps she confuses miles and feet. Then again, last year I smelled someone's vegetable dip from across the room and thought "That's weird. I normally can't smell that well unless I'm preg...
ReplyDeletenant..."
That baby just turned 5 months old.
Ohh Julie, you just reminded me of when I was pregnant with my first baby and rode a bus to work each day. Come the start of the winter, other passengers would get their winter woollies out and start wearing them, and I would smell the mothballs as they got on the bus. Cedar...nice. Naphthalene...ugh. Worst were the people wearing garments made from wool that still had the lanolin in it---uurrrgghhhh.
ReplyDeleteWOW!! And it was only vanilla. Just think, she would still be walking in the other direction if it was peppermint. I would love to know how that conversation started in the first place. What was your response to this revelation? Were the Guiness people involved in some way? Its not official unless they are you know. I was once part of a five mile leep-frog line, but they didn't show up so it didn't count. Oh well!
ReplyDeleteIt always annoys me when people claim "cranial nerves 1-12 NAD" in their admission notes, when in reality the 1st nerve is almost never tested. In this lady however....
ReplyDelete