Things that make me grumpy

YOU!

Yes, you. You make me grumpy. Pissed off. Wanting to leap across my desk at you, if you were to ever come back here again, which you won't.

You were here last week for a disability evaluation. You looked miserable. Your friend pushed you up here in a wheelchair, and you used a cane to get from the chair into my office.

You were very polite. You told me how nice I was. You said that I "wasn't like the other insurance company docs" you'd been sent to. You even brought Mary some chocolate-covered berries for working you in so quickly.

I could see you were trying to butter us up. I'm not that stupid. But you did seem legitimately suffering, and were quite patient while I reviewed the boatload of test results your company had sent me.

I've been doing this long enough that I could see you were exaggerating some things, but you did seem to have some real limitations.

Anyway, I didn't complete your disability report over the weekend. Sorry, but I was on call. I put it off until this week, and boy, am I glad I did.

A DVD from your insurance company showed up in my mail yesterday. I've been watching it.

It's kind of interesting. It actually shows you leaving my medical building last week, after the appointment. I guess you were in too much pain to see the camera guy following you around, huh?

It was kind of neat how you stood up and began walking as soon as you got to the parking garage. I kind of expected you to yell "Hallelujah! It's a miracle!" like they do on TV, but you didn't. You just folded up the wheelchair, handed the cane to your friend, and walked over to your car.

You'd told me that you hadn't been able to drive for a year, so it was kind of surprising watching you get behind the wheel. I guess with your miraculous recovery you had an itching to try out the old motoring skills, huh?

I then watched a boring clip of you going over to Local Grocery. No biggie. But I loved it when you drove to Home Depot. You told me you couldn't lift more then 5 pounds at a time. I haven't bought paint in a few years, but those big metal cans, I'm pretty sure, weigh more than that. And you were carrying one in each hand.

After you got home there's a few hours missing. Maybe you were inside recovering from the horrible pain you'd suffered heroically buying salad dressing and paint. But when you emerged carrying a ladder, and began painting your front porch, I just lost it.

So, as you requested, I've now completed the forms listing my findings and what I think the extent of your disability is. And I personally faxed them to your company. And called to make sure they got them.

Have a nice day.