I Love You People

Mr. Jackass, I'm sorry we couldn't accommodate your busy schedule to work you in today.

I understand you're frustrated. I mean, I would be too if I'd been walking around since yesterday with slurred speech and mild arm weakness. It's a real pisser that you're having trouble texting your real estate clients with your thumb being clumsy like that.

Yeah, I can guess you had a stroke. I'm a neurologist, and I didn't need you to tell me that. I agree that under most circumstances this would be urgent, but my day is full, and having you walk in and start yelling obscenities at Mary because she told you we were booked solid today doesn't increase your sympathy rating around here.

I'm also sorry you were unable to take the appointment she did offer you, tomorrow morning at 8, because you have a meeting with a homeowner's association. I know those things are important. And you have that finance meeting on Thursday at 1, so you couldn't come in then, either. So I guess I'm seeing you on Friday at 3. I know you told Mary that was unreasonably long to have to wait for a stroke, and I'm sorry. Because of my casual dress habits you obviously didn't guess that the doctor was the guy standing in the lobby next to you, because I'd gone up to refill my water bottle.

Mary suggested, several times, that you go to ER, and I was standing there when you refused because you didn't have time for "that sort of nonsense". I told you to go to ER, too, but when you said "who asked you, Buttinski?" I decided to let you keep thinking I was another patient or a drug rep or something. Mary should get a raise for keeping a straight face.

I bet it would surprise you to know that while you were arguing with Mary I walked back to my office to log into the hospital system to see if you'd been there, and, SURPRISE there you were! It looks like you actually went in yesterday, after you'd finished cleaning your pool, and left AMA. The ER doc clearly documented that he wanted to admit you for an inpatient work-up, and you told him he was being unreasonable because then you'd miss the Labor Day barbecue you'd spent all week preparing for. I hope you didn't burn too many burgers with the bad hand.

I'll see you on Friday. Bet you'll be surprised to see what I'm wearing.