Quote of the day

From a retired internist:

“I just want to make sure I’m not going to shit, you know. I mean, my wife is fucked-up with all kinds of shit, and some of my friends are pretty fucked-up, too, and I'm sure all my old patients are either fucked-up or dead by now, and I’ll be a son of bitch if I’m going to get fucked up more than is normal for being fucked-up at my age so I just want you to check out all my neuro shit and that kind of stuff and make sure I’m not too fucked-up for 87."

"Surely you can't be serious."

I'm in a Zoom meeting and the screen keeps locking up.

Dr. Grumpy: "Are you guys having problems? My office wifi sucks."

Mr. Rumack: "Yeah, why don't you just switch to audio and call my direct 800 number."

Dr. Grumpy: "That's fine, what is it?"

Mr. Rumack: "Uh, an 800 number is a long-distance line that lets you dial in at no charge."