This past Friday night Mrs. Grumpy was out with a friend. So, in the tradition of single dads everywhere, I took the kids out for a gourmet meal at Costco.
This is a surprisingly complex task that involves juggling orders for hot dogs, pizza, chicken bakes, ice cream, churros, and drinks in your head, while sending the kids on a seek-and-destroy mission to find an open table and hope they don't kill an old man eating a hot dog and hide his body under a 50 lbs. bag of dog food in the process.
I found myself in line behind a lady who was torturing the poor 16 year-old kid working the counter, and got to hear this:
Ms. Food: "I can't decide between the pizza or a hot dog."
Counter Guy: "Okay, do you want someone to go ahead of you?"
Ms. Food: "No... Which one has more calories?"
Counter Guy: "Um, not sure... I can look it up."
Ms. Food: "Well, I want something low-calorie."
Counter Guy: "Well, the salad has fewer than either of them."
Ms. Food: "Okay... I'll take a hot dog, with a piece of cheese pizza."
I can see the picture of her in my head and realize why she is still a Ms.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry... I'm sure she ordered a DIET coke to go with it...
ReplyDeleteSo did you get the pizza or the hot dog?
ReplyDeleteWas she on one of those Hover Rounds?
Actually, she wasn't particularly obese. It was more her logic that I found amusing.
ReplyDeleteI use "Ms." whenever I'm unsure of marital status.
And to answer the question:
ReplyDeleteFrank and I had hot dogs.
Marie had a piece of cheese pizza.
Craig and Craig's Hair had the chicken bake.
AND I'M STILL PISSED OFF THAT THEY YANKED THE CARNE ASADA BAKE! DO YOU HEAR ME, COSTCO?
Sounds to me like it was a business dinner, like you picked up paper towels and the cheap latex gloves for the office, right?
ReplyDeleteDining at Costoc, things your children will talk about when they are older.
I second the Diet Coke comment. And baked chicken sounds way too healthy for Costco!
ReplyDeleteAnd ppl wonder why they're fat/obese!!!
ReplyDeleteI've been behind her at Costco an her basket has 6 rotiserie chickens and many bakery goodies. Must be one in every Costco
ReplyDeleteWhy did you bother to actually buy dinner there? I tend to time my Costco shopping to when they are giving out the free sample and wow, can I get filled up! It's even better in November and December when the free samples include wine and cheese...
ReplyDeleteReading this post and the comments makes me hungry...
ReplyDeletewow. i LOVE how people keep jumping to the conclusion that this woman was obese. just cause she ordered 2 things does not necessarily mean that they were both for her. Maybe she got the pizza for herself and the hot dog for her kid that was also trying to find a table.
ReplyDeleteor maybe they WERE both for her. like you people have never done that. and don't try to deny it...you know you have.
hypocrites.
Costco hot dog, no condiments: 570
ReplyDeleteSlice of Costco cheese pizza: 700
Eating both is almost a day's worth of calories! I've actually seen people sitting in the food court with one of the roasted chickens, eating the whole thing. Yes, they were fat.
And now I want wine, cheese, and pizza! And my nearest Costco (or Sams) is 2 hours from me.
ReplyDelete"Fuck it, I just bought a jar of 3000 diet pills."
ReplyDeletedang. Stuck in the hospital, dinner served two hours ago, nasty as it was, now I am reading this and wishing for a hot dog or pizza fairy to bring me food. Thanks Dr. Grumpy!
ReplyDeleteSounds like the lady I overheard at McDonalds the other day
ReplyDeleteLady at McDonalds: What's in a fruit and walnut salad
McDonalds: apples, grapes, and walnuts
Lady at McDonalds: What's in a snack wrap?
She proceeded to do this with 50% of the menu . . .
A belated Happy New Year, and many grumpy returns!
ReplyDeleteI have never in my life heard of someone going to Costco *just* to eat food. I've heard of people doing it while shopping there, but not going just to eat the junk there.
ReplyDeleteAlso, yeah, some of your commenters are real doozies. Of course if someone eats a lot, they must weigh 900 lbs. Just like the people who meet me and wonder why I weigh twice what they do and eat half as much.
You know what they say about making assumptions...
Stop kidding yourself.
DeleteLol
DeleteSorta like the K-Mart breakfast thing we had going Sunday mornings, until K-Mart closed. The waitress was nice, the coffee was hot, the newspaper was free, there was no T.V. on, and kids could be as rambunctious as they wanted, so they weren't. I remember when it was a treat for my son when his Daddy took him to K-mart for breakfast when I was working.
ReplyDeleteWe kept doing it for a while after K-mart closed, but it wasn't the same. We'd climb in through an open window around the back. The waitress wasn't around any more, the coffee was cold and started to get moldy after a couple of weeks, and I got tired of reading the same copy of the newspaper that was sitting there. My son changed his name and joined the army as soon as he turned 18
ReplyDeleteSo she didn't have yogurt too? You know that if you order the low cal gelato you get three scoops of the mouth watering stuff.
ReplyDeleteCosco does meals? Wow ... I can't think of any supermarket that does meals here anymore :(
ReplyDelete"I have never in my life heard of someone going to Costco *just* to eat food. I've heard of people doing it while shopping there, but not going just to eat the junk there."
ReplyDeleteI used to work in a computer store about 100 yards from a Costco. Yeah, lunch at Costco was 2 or 3 times a week. Make a run past all the "Free Sample" ladies, then up front for a $1.50 polish and soda. Was a pretty cheap way to do lunch
Only did it when I worked next door though.
I can't believe it either Don... Choosing Costco, for food??? ewwwwwwww
ReplyDeleteI've done lunch at Sam's Club more than once. Where else (besides Taco Bell) can you eat lunch for $2.00?
ReplyDeleteJay and I have done the Sunday Ghetto Buffet there more than once, too, just because. Though if we do that, we usually end up buying something to take home :)
I love the price of food at the Costco food court, and it tastes just fine.
ReplyDeleteYou can get an 18" supreme pizza for $9.99, it serves 5-6 people.
The tradition of single dads everywhere. That is the scary truth right. The EX usually takes our kids there for dinner, lunch - you name it - when it's his day.
ReplyDeleteKinda like taking a vacation and choosing to fly just for the food. "Oh Stewardess!? I simply must have this recipe!"
ReplyDeleteMoose: "You know what they say about making assumptions..."
ReplyDeleteMoose, for someone who preaches that people shouldn't make assumptions, you sure do a lot of judging yourself. Either judge others and stop criticizing those who do the same, or criticize others for judging and stop doing it yourself.