Dr. Grumpy: "How often do you get migraines?"
Mr. Vague: "Every so often."
Dr. Grumpy: "Well, how much time goes by between headaches?"
Mr. Vague: "A while."
Dr. Grumpy: "I'm trying to get an idea of how often you get migraines. Can you be more specific? Do you get them every day, or every week, or once a month?"
Mr. Vague: "Sometimes."
Need to know basis, highly classified.
ReplyDeleteI do this circle with pain all the time. And whille I agree that the 0-10 scale sucks, I have to use it. And so has everyone else who has given you pain meds during your stay. You have been asked this question repeatedly, you can feel free to anticipate it by now.
ReplyDeleteDood is either brain dead or doesn't get them often enough for it to matter/they're not that bad. I know exactly when my last full blown migraine was and that was 33 months ago (I haven't gotten one since I got pregnant with my son).
ReplyDelete"OK, well, I think I may be able to possibly prescribe something, but I'm not sure. Maybe, though."
ReplyDeleteI get the same when ask how often the vomiting is, etc. I break it down like this: ok, I feel like we are having trouble communicating. Did fluffy vomit today? How about yesterday? The day before? etc. If they give me a series of "not sure," I go with "ok. Are you sure he vomited at all in the past week? Month? Etc. I usually get some useful information this way.also "was the last episode before or after Christmas?" etc.
ReplyDeleteNite Nurse, somewhat guilty as charged.
ReplyDelete"How would you rate your pain on a scale of one to ten?"
(Duh, morphine I.V. drip, like I can't feel shit.)
This was my pet peeve regarding office-based medicine this year. Patients made appointments to discuss specific problems with the ostensible goal of diagnosis and effective treatment. At least 40% were totally unprepared to give specifics about the problem, often citing "I don't really keep track," or worse, "I just don't pay attention to my body."
ReplyDeleteHow long do your palpitations last? "A while." "30 seconds? "5 minutes? Longer?" "I really couldn't say."
Ugh. It was like trying to pull teeth from a cow. Some of them would marvel at what poor historians they were and laugh at themselves. I resisted the urge to poke my eyes out with dull spoons.
Dr. Grumpy: "Here, so take some of this medication."
ReplyDeleteMr. Vague: "How often, Dr.?"
Dr Grumpy: "Sometimes."
Dude has alzheimers?
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother had alzheimers, and she sprained her ankle. Every time she tried to stand up, it would hurt, and she'd call the nurse. When the nurse arrived, she'd forgotten what had happened, and could only say that 'something hurt'. She would then forget that as well, and go to stand up, and hurt her ankle again.
She did this again and again, until they propped her foot up in front of her, bandaged it, and stuck a sign on it saying "Connie, you have sprained your ankle."
Even then, every time she noticed, she'd reach down and prod it, until it hurt.
It was sort of funny, but really sad.
@Kate: You've been pregnant for 33 months?!?! ;-)
ReplyDeleteAs for Mr. Vague--why even bother going to the doctor if you're not going to contribute to the process?
I knew my migraines were causing brain damage and now here's proof!
ReplyDeleteWow. That dude gets around. I saw him (and his equally vague wife) in the ER last night. Vague times 2.
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought "a while" was only a recognized unit of time here in South Central Virginia!
ReplyDeleteHe must not get them very often then. If he did he would remember.
ReplyDeleteMelissa
Haha, I have this exchange with about 50% of clinic patients. It's like playing 20 questions.
ReplyDeletenot migraines, or he would know.
ReplyDeleteSomehow I don't think migraine is his most significant problem. Perhaps he's gotten onto some medical marijuana or something.
ReplyDeleteI have the exact opposite take as "anonymous" - if you had migraines, Dr. G., you would understand their mind-numbing capabilities. What this guy said makes total sense to me. Then again I have a minor migraine pretty much every day for the past few weeks so maybe I'm a bit skewed.
ReplyDeleteJen- I do get migraines. I've mentioned it before on the blog.
ReplyDeleteSounds like he was trying to give YOU a migraine!
ReplyDeleteI give the guy a little credit-full fledged migraine for me about once or twice a week, but daily background migraine that never quite goes away,one that I wouldn't treat, so that ? would kind of throw me for a loop-do you count the daily barely there or the once or twice weekly crappy ones- I guess I would say both!
ReplyDelete