Doctor Grumpy in the House

In college I lived in a building where all the windows faced a center courtyard. One day, when it was nice out and most people had their w...

Mrs. Camel: "I only get migraines when I snort cocaine." Dr. Grumpy: "Why don't you quit?" Mrs. Camel: "Nah...

Dr. Grumpy: "Have you tried any pain medications for this?" Ms. Nurse: "Well... Yeah..." Dr. Grumpy: "What'...

For the 4th year in a row I'm going to run this column. I'll keep running it until this practice stops. Which likely means the post ...

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary." Phone lady: "Hi, I need to make a new-patient appointment with Dr. Grumpy....

Dr. Grumpy: "Can you move your right arm?" Mr. Stroke: "No... The leg isn't working either." Nurse ER: "Han...

Okay, it's been a while since I bitched about the overuse of the word artisanal (see my artisanal whining page if you miss this sort of...

Dr. Grumpy: "Have you been using anything for the shoulder pain?" Mr. Strain: "My friend gave me a cream she bought, and I...

Evolution does interesting things, with unintended consequences. Obviously, a key feature for the survival of any species is the ability t...

I'm walking a forgetful elderly lady up front after an appointment, and notice on the info sheet that today is her birthday. Dr. Grump...

Dr. Grumpy: "Any seizures recently?" Miss Scorned: "I don't think you've had any?" Mr. Ictal: "Yeah, ab...

This past Friday night Mrs. Grumpy was out with a friend. So, in the tradition of single dads everywhere, I took the kids out for a gourmet ...

Wishing all a happy Rosh Hashanah.

"When it's really dark outside, and I've closed all the window shades, and all the lights are out, then things look really dark...