Dr. Grumpy: "Hi, thank you for coming in today. I'm Dr. Grumpy. Have a seat."
Mr. Leon: "Hello."
Dr. Grumpy: "Let me get some notes ready... Okay, are you right or left handed?"
Mr. Leon: "Excuse me?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Are you right or left handed?"
Pause
Mr. Leon: "What kind of woke bullshit is that? Seriously, I am so sick of you people."
He got up and left
More fool him. Even if the question was woke bull shit, which it ain’t, he should have remembered Sturgeon’s law - 90% of everything is bullshit, which means that 10% of everything is not the end point of bovine metabolism. And it is usually worth waiting to see if the 10% of good stuff materialises.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a lefty then if he is that defensive about the question.
ReplyDeleteThat's one way to avoid admitting that he still doesn't know his left from his right. Pity the optometrist who asks him to read the letters on the eye chart.
ReplyDeleteGood riddance!
ReplyDeletebobbie
Coincidentally, that's how he answered every question on his patient intake form, starting with his name.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's how he became the all-time "Jeopardy!" champion...
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I think he's sinister.
ReplyDeleteI believe he is quite dexterous.
ReplyDeleteAmbidextrous; dexterity, but sinister and unwoken.
DeleteObviously not in his "right" mind.
ReplyDeleteI think someone should take the opportunity to familiarize Dr. Grumpy with that internet device known as THE URBAN DICTIONARY. Seriously Dr. G, your inquiry regarding left handed ness might be innocent, impolite or a come on . For that reason I stick with right handed, much safer.
ReplyDelete"And don't get me started on that satanic dance they call the 'Hokey Pokey!!!'"
ReplyDelete"And I don't know anything at all about the Grumpyville Stabber, so stop trying to get me to incriminate myself!"
ReplyDelete"And why is every single person I meet so obsessed with my masturbation habits, anyway?"
ReplyDeleteBullet, dodged. A Pareto Patient, to be sure. Love it when they self-select out of my practice. Saves firing them later.
ReplyDeleteI wish somebody could explain what this 'woke' thing is? I used to live in Woking and I didn't think folk there were any different to the rest of the planet.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I'm not too sure about the residents of Dorking just down the road.
I'm just guessing, but I wonder if he thought you meant if he was left-leaning or right-leaning politically.
ReplyDeleteSome people misunderstand "right-handed" as "right-wing" (politically). Maybe ask "Which hand do you write with"?
ReplyDeleteAnd somehow, I'm sure he'd be the guy to complain about how everyone is so offended by everything these days.
ReplyDeleteI once had a patient's daughter flip out at me for my "attitude." (The patient was about 80.) The terrible thing that I said?
ReplyDelete"Tell what brings you here today."
Said in the usual cheerful voice I use with literally every single new patient.
I *think* she was upset that I wasn't picking up at the EXACT spot where the previous neurologist gave up. The discovery that 1) I hadn't received any old records and 2) I typically don't read them in advance anyway 9as I like to form my own opinions and for Heaven's sake, who has time anyway) both helped the situation and made it worse.
-Another Neurologist
PS I only recently discovered your blog and have been reading through it in reverse order. I have heard and experienced some similar patient nonsense, some of it funny, but yours are much... well, more!