Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."
Ms. Papaveraceae: "Hi, I'm a patient of Dr. Brain's, and I ran out of Percocet. My pharmacy number is..."
Dr. Grumpy: "I'm sorry, but I don't call in controlled drugs after hours. You'll have to contact Dr. Brain's office on Monday."
Ms. Papaveraceae: "But I really need it!"
Dr. Grumpy: "I can't call in any narcotics. What I can call in is..."
Ms. Papaveraceae: "But I can't take anything else because of religious reasons. I belong to a small sect that worships poppy flowers, so..."
Dr. Grumpy: "I'm not calling narcotics in."
Ms. Papveraceae: "So you're discriminating against me on the basis of my religion? I will get an attorney and..."
Dr. Grumpy: "Have a good night."
Click.
Holy crap, she needs to change to the Church of Mary Jane. Much more available for her to worship. Maybe even cheaper.
ReplyDeleteShe wouldn't be bothering the physician to call in a script for Mary Jane, either. But, when she runs into a moose at midnight while going out for munchies, ER will ask for a sample in a cup.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering how you became the legendary Dr. Grumpy,
ReplyDelete"Next year in Kabul."
ReplyDelete"But everyone is over at my house for the Seder, and there's no afikoman!"
ReplyDelete"It's in trying times like these that I gain strength by reading my favorite scriptural passages from 'Naked Lunch.'"
ReplyDelete"Don't you hang up on me, Poppydammit!!!"
ReplyDelete"And I'll be excommunicated if I take aspirin, because for the last 3000 years our bitterest enemies have been the Willowites."
ReplyDelete