I'm in the emergency room, talking to a patient's wife:
Dr. Grumpy: "When did this all start?"
Mrs. Concern: "Last night. He fell down in the bathroom, and said he couldn't move that side."
Dr. Grumpy: "Then what happened?"
Mrs. Concern: "I figured he was just angry at me, and trying to get attention. We'd had this big argument over cole slaw at lunch, because..."
Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, but last night..."
Mrs. Concern: "Oh yeah, anyway, so I watched some TV in bed - there's that new detective show I like - until I fell asleep. When I woke up this morning he was still on the bathroom floor, and boy, was he angry. So that was when I called paramedics."
Ah, cabbage. The most dangerous vegetable.
ReplyDeleteTrue love.
ReplyDeleteOMG, what kind of monster leaves a spouse on the floor all night? We may have spats, but that is a put aside when one of us has a medical event. What kind of monster is this person?
ReplyDeleteI think that may be criminally prosecutable spouse abuse. Because of her, the damage is permanent when it might have been temporary.
ReplyDelete"And, yeah, my previous husband died the night after we had our big fallout over whether Miller Lite tastes great or is less filling. What about it?"
ReplyDelete"But since I fell asleep during the detective show, first I had to watch the end so I could find out who the killer was. Then I realized that I'd forgotten who some of the characters were, so I had to go back and watch it from the beginning. Then I had to go online and comment about it. And then I realized that it was already mid-morning and I hadn't had my scone and latte, so I had to run out to Starbucks..."
ReplyDelete"The worst part is that he was lying right by the toilet, so I had to put my feet on top of his face every time I went to the bathroom. And let's just say I ate an awful lot of cabbage yesterday..."
ReplyDeleteTrue story, neighbor calls her sink is leaking can I take a look, go over laying under sink wrench at the ready, I hear a noise think ok just a noise. Just about done I hear it again , so I ask Muriel what was that noise, she says she didn’t hear anything. I climb back under finish the job and hear it again, clearly an anguished moan, jump up and say Muriel where is Ed , her son. She replies in the bathroom. I tell her I want to see him, I find him out on the floor moaning , he had been there 12 hours, Ed was 59 degenerate alcoholic disease, she refused to call 911 as she didn’t want to be embarrassed in the community, now about then I figured out why she did not want to call the plumber and called me. I called my son over from home across the street as I could not get him off the floor by myself. All the while she is screaming no police, no ambulance. My son was 16 years old strong as an ox so he lifted Ed easily and got him set, I got him some food and situated. For the next 2 years my son picked him off the floor at least once a month. Never complained or said a word, I would say I need your help. And in spite of the unpleasantness of it all in his teenaged life , he helped me and a helpless man. In moments of sobriety I begged Ed to get help or at least get out as I feared his mother wanted him dead. I called agencies, who told me that they were powerless.
ReplyDeleteEd died 2 years later of cirrhosis of the liver. I called Muriel a couple of hours before and said your son is dying you do you want me to drive you to the hospital. Ed had me down as a contact. That was a mother , multi million net worth who could not wait for her son to die because he embarrassed her with his condition. Yet she plied him with booze to the end. People can be pretty strange.
I'm sorry. This is appalling. Surely this jerk didn't just come out with story without some prompting. I dunno. I've had some pretty terrific spats, and some good riddance moments, but I cannot see myself admitting this, except to a priest before the last rites (mine).
ReplyDelete"I feel like I'm the real victim here."
ReplyDelete"The worst part is that his screaming was keeping me awake all night. I finally had to shove a roll of toilet paper into his mouth just so I could get some sleep."
ReplyDeleteAnyone else think this is a Jeff Dunham skit; where we hear Walter's wife's side of things?
ReplyDeleteWow, Packer's story just set me back a little. Sorry, but thanks, Packer for putting it to 'paper'. Thanks, Dr. G for mentioning the incident. It's still early in this year, in the last of this particular decade. There's still time
ReplyDeleteShe knew you must eat chopped cabbage with dressing. It’s Cole’s Law.
ReplyDeleteI gotta say, I laughed out loud at this one. Just thinking about the characters involved...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post.
Anon at3:54
ReplyDeleteI have my own blog Not nearly as good as Grumpy, I wrote a little bit of scooping my neighbor off the floor
http://springtimedog.blogspot.com/2015/04/matthew-2536.html
But when I read Grump’s missive I was reminded , but it was a powerful blow like a sledge hammer hitting me and reminding me of how callous we can become. It all came rushing back on me, I can not explain it.