Tuesday, December 1, 2015

2015 Gift Guide

Yes, as the planet's revolution brings us back around to the holiday season, it's once again time for the annual... Dr. Grumpy's Gift Guide!

I'm going to kick off this year with a musical item. How many times have you been at a party and thought, "Gee, it would really liven up this party if I could just whip out a flute to crank tunes?" I know, it's a pretty common occurrence.

At the same time, how often do you find yourself trying to cover up an attack of terrible flatulence in a social setting, and wishing you had a way to cleverly hide it? Me, too.

Well, now you can solve both problems with... THE RECTOFLUTE!


"Boy, can that asshole play the flute."

Simply slip this gadget, with its "ergonomic easy entry shape" into your rear end, and start ripping off some tunes! Using the muscles of your nether regions you can perform all kinds of colonic symphonies. Plus, it comes in 3 vibrant colors!

It doesn't say if it comes with any sort of manual, training DVD, or shit sheet music.

Dr. Grumpy takes no responsibility for your laundry bills if you play with too much enthusiasm.
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13 comments:

  1. PowersDecember 1, 2015 at 9:26 AM

    I wonder if anyone actually sells this. All I can find online is copies of this ad image; no one has a link to the actual seller.

    Aaaand now I can't wait to see what ads Google shows me on every site.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Officer CynicalDecember 1, 2015 at 9:43 AM

    I believe this is how Kenny G got started.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Martin BarreDecember 1, 2015 at 10:12 AM

    Wow! Now I can do double duty! Looks like we don't need Ian anymore!

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousDecember 1, 2015 at 11:53 AM

    Glad I've got perfect pitch too! As long as it's B-flat(ulence).

    ReplyDelete
  5. clairesmumDecember 1, 2015 at 1:03 PM

    prepubescent boys do pretty well with what Nature provides...and even if this does not exist, the imaginary ER scenarios are wild!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Caractacus PottsDecember 1, 2015 at 5:31 PM

    This gives me a great idea for a new candy.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sarah DDecember 1, 2015 at 6:19 PM

    Puts a whole new meaning to the phrase 'ripping a song'

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousDecember 1, 2015 at 9:09 PM

    I'm waiting for them to come out with a bassoon.

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousDecember 1, 2015 at 10:27 PM

    Ewwww.

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousDecember 1, 2015 at 11:26 PM

    Advertising slogan: "You can take it and stick it up your ass!"

    ReplyDelete
  11. BobFDecember 2, 2015 at 12:05 AM

    Adagio in a church pew.

    ReplyDelete
  12. bobbieDecember 2, 2015 at 11:22 AM

    But is it Artisinal???

    ReplyDelete
  13. TsunobaDecember 4, 2015 at 2:54 PM

    @bobbie: I think you mean artis-anal. :D

    ReplyDelete

So wadda you think?