This morning I was at the office early. As I walked to the front of the building I noticed a line-up of planets in the east. Curious to know which they were, I pulled out my phone and used a planet-finder app.
A guy out walking his dog went by.
Dog Guy: "What are you looking at?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Those planets."
Dog Guy: (looks up) "Those are planets? Not stars?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Yeah, see how bright they are? And they don't twinkle."
Dog Guy: "Which planets are they?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Looks like... Venus, Jupiter, and Mars."
Dog Guy: "I had no idea they were so close together."
Dr. Grumpy: "That's..."
Dog Guy: "Shit! I bet they're going to collide any day now! I mean, they're really close!"
Dr. Grumpy: "Well, they only look like that from here. They're actually..."
Dog Guy: "Why haven't I seen anything about this on the news? YOU'D THINK A COLLISION BETWEEN GIANT PLANETS WOULD BE SERIOUS! THE ASTEROIDS FROM IT COULD KILL US ALL!"
Dr. Grumpy: "They're really not..."
Dog Guy: "The government knows all about it, I bet, and is covering it up. The media is keeping quiet to prevent a panic."
Dr. Grumpy: "Uh..."
Dog Guy: "Fuck you. You're in it with them. If I hadn't come by when I did, I wouldn't have figured it out either. Let's go, Fluffy."
He picked up his dog and walked away.
You know, I often think it's a good thing dogs and cats don't speak English so they don't know how crazy their owners are. This is one of those times.
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Just when you think it's safe to talk to people.
ReplyDeleteyou missed the opportunity to say: "Yes, but they're not close enough. I have to call headquarters and have them adjust the beam, but my cell phone signal is weak. Can I borrow yours?"
ReplyDelete1. My Border Collie understands an amazing amount of the English language, I understand only some of his yips and barks. Laser pointer is a yip, frisbie a bark.
ReplyDelete2.I am not at all crazy, even though when I walk him I like Grumpy look skyward and yes the planets have been very noticeable this month.
3. But the craziest part of this story is that one of the participants has a Planet Finder App on his phone----now that is really weird.
Anyone that has a dog that can be picked up and carried easily has questionable judgement skills. Obviously.
ReplyDeleteBut when it happens, I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills.
ReplyDeleteLike a science fiction double feature?
Delete"...and that planet there is Bellus. No one at the United Nations will believe me, but before that giant planet can hit us, I'm planning to build a huge spaceship ark to ferry many of us to safety to the planet Zyra. And guess what? Dumb a$$e$ like you and your stupid dog, won't be coming along!"
ReplyDeleteI think it is more than just historical that your board certification is from the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology ... They go hand in hand.
ReplyDeleteThree-dimensional reasoning: you've either got it or you don't.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry. I have some aluminum foil hats that will protect you!
ReplyDeletePlease, please tell me you made up this entire conversation.
ReplyDeleteI wish.
ReplyDeletedid you hand him your business card? Looks like he needs to make an appointment with you.
ReplyDeleteYou just thought it was the guy you were having a conversation with - the dog is really a talented ventriloquist.
ReplyDeleteWhere the heck do you live! or perhaps your office is right next to a psychiatrists office...
ReplyDelete@Just Me, isn't it obvious ----Washington D. C.
ReplyDeleteI wish I thought you were exaggerating.
ReplyDeleteand if you were up early enough, you could also see Mercury before dawn washed it out. Saturn has been in the evening sky shortly after sunset.
ReplyDeleteThere was a time a few years ago when Mars was going to be as close to Earth as it was going to be for quite some time, and due to that, was going to be unusually bright. "Bright as the Moon", was what I remember.
ReplyDeleteI was at my girlfriend's brother's house one evening, when they told me that Mars was going to leave its orbit and come sweeping in past Earth, coming as close as the Moon. The problem I had that night was trying to tell them how wrong they were without actually calling them idiots. I may have retreated into my bong.
Don't feel too bad, Doc. This guy probably barely squeaked by science and history, and is stuck in a tunnel of his own making because he refuses to learn. Likely spends his days on reddit and tumblr trying to bring The Truth to people. (It would benefit him to just go read the book.)
ReplyDeleteMaybe he was just pulling your chain?
ReplyDelete*starts making aluminum foil hats to sell*
ReplyDeleteGod, I love crazy people :)
ReplyDeleteYou want to know what is really scary about that guy?
ReplyDeleteHe Votes!
It always amazes me how some people manage to negotiate 10-12 years of school, and emerge still utterly and determinedly ignorant.
ReplyDeleteOMG! I've finally worked it out. Dr Grumpy are you involuntarily committed to a long term facility? And you don't take your meds?
ReplyDeleteAs a long term user of risperidone, even the real 'crazy' people I've met are not as crazy as the people you encounter on a daily basis. Does the DSM need to be re-written?
not only does this man vote, he is likely capable of reproducing!
ReplyDeleteWell, now I'm just depressed.
DeleteNow this is why I quit the veterinary profession. There are pet owners out there who own pets because they are too crazy to have any human friends.
ReplyDelete