Monday, December 1, 2014

Dr. Grumpy's gift guide

Yes, as the calendar begins its countdown to Christmakuh, it's once again time for the gift guide. Where Dr. Grumpy will help you pick out the finest in tasteful, fashionable, and useful items.

This year, I'm going to kick things off with a solution to a common problem: What to do with a dead rodent.

You've finally killed that pesky mouse that was terrorizing your kids and less-than-impressive dog or cat... but now what? I mean, it seems like a pretty long walk to take it out to the trash can. And after he was kind enough to jump-start your car you really don't want to toss it into the neighbors yard, either.

So why not make it into a lovely decorative piece?


"Well, it beats the leg lamp you imported from Fragilé."

Yes, for only $47 you can give a loved one the complete Mouse Taxidermy Kit. It includes instructions and materials, you just have to supply imagination, props... and, of course, an ex-mouse.


"Do they sell one in St. Bernard size?"

Start a new pastime with the passed-on. It's sure to be a fine conversation piece for a living room, cubicle, or dashboard.
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22 comments:

  1. JanDecember 1, 2014 at 8:15 AM

    And since the field mice are attempting another coup since the weather has turned colder, I can provide the mice to anyone wanting to take up this new hobby.

    ReplyDelete
  2. PackerDecember 1, 2014 at 8:41 AM

    Same thing as last year, I'll just have to return it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousDecember 1, 2014 at 9:08 AM

    So relieved to see that it comes with gloves.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousDecember 1, 2014 at 9:25 AM

    Does the finished product qualify as artisanal?

    --Queen Anne's Lace

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownDecember 1, 2014 at 9:42 AM

    Yuck, no face mask.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Officer CynicalDecember 1, 2014 at 10:00 AM

    I'm buying, like, a hundred of these for when Uncle Claude croaks.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Whelk Lad!December 1, 2014 at 11:13 AM

    "How to save money at Disneyland by making your own souvenirs."

    ReplyDelete
  8. 82mediciDecember 1, 2014 at 12:25 PM

    I am still trying to figure out how the mouse helped you jump-start your car.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TsunobaDecember 2, 2014 at 12:35 AM

      Oh, good, I'm not the only one who read it like that.

      In case you didn't figure it out, it might be better understood if you rephrase it to this:

      And after your neighbor was kind enough to jump-start your car you really don't want to toss it into his yard, either.

      Delete
  9. Ms. DonnaDecember 1, 2014 at 1:06 PM

    eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousDecember 1, 2014 at 1:53 PM

    82medici, they will chew through car wires.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousDecember 1, 2014 at 2:46 PM

    Stuart Little would NOT be impressed, assuredly. One might imagine Charlotte spelling out 'Some Mouse' ins spider silk in a peaceful protest, however.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Library-GryffonDecember 1, 2014 at 8:13 PM

    I had the first thought as 82medici, but then reread it, and realized it was the neighbor who did the jumpstarting.

    We have plenty of field mice too (and I think some squirrels in the addition's ceiling), however the only time we see them outside the walls is when the cats have caught one and not bothered to eat the whole thing. Sadly, pieces, parts, is probably not adequate for practicing taxidermy on.

    ReplyDelete
  13. TsunobaDecember 2, 2014 at 12:38 AM

    I'm getting horrible flashbacks to when I had to dissect a rat in biology.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousDecember 2, 2014 at 7:52 AM

    grumpy: this is even better.

    https://www.etsy.com/dk-en/listing/213174813/taxidermied-mice-fudge-centerpiece?ref=br_feed_60&br_feed_tlp=gifts

    ReplyDelete
  15. 82mediciDecember 2, 2014 at 12:37 PM

    Hey guys, I KNEW what he meant, but I was trying to make a joke.
    Denise Perry, if we rephrase the sentence the way you suggest, I would have to wonder why you would throw your now-running car into your neighbor's yard.

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnonymousDecember 2, 2014 at 6:53 PM

    I am hands down going to win at "dirty santa" this year.... thanks for the tip

    ReplyDelete
  17. tbunniDecember 3, 2014 at 10:48 AM

    @Anonymous 7:52 - That is REALLY disturbing. Not sure who would buy 40 lbs of chocolate with taxidermied mice on and IN it...

    The creator lives in Indiana... Dr Grumpy, can we get a referral to a competent yak herder for this artist? He needs his head examined...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Pepper the PugalierDecember 3, 2014 at 1:33 PM

    Doesn't ship outside the UK. Holidays ruined. ��

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dr.MDecember 4, 2014 at 12:14 AM

    When I first saw this I thought it was something from The Bloggess.

    ReplyDelete
  20. AnonymousDecember 7, 2014 at 12:44 AM

    Can't beat that fudge "intended for both the consonssiuer of aesthetics, as well as the conossiuer of gourmet treats" (wow! I guess there were two possible spellings and they didn't want to get it wrong both times, eh?), but I'll add to the list of great things one can do with the mice: http://dangerousminds.net/comments/taxidermied_mice_chess_set

    ReplyDelete
  21. AnonymousDecember 10, 2014 at 6:10 PM

    cyber monday and other airfare deals to London from States make this almost worth the fast turnaround to get in some last minute unique dirty santa shopping....\

    ReplyDelete

So wadda you think?