Looks like a soap dispenser, huh? WRONG!
It's actually a battery-powered shower-cleaning device that sprays foaming suds around your shower after you're done. Of course, I know that NOW. I didn't know it yesterday.
While I was on call this weekend, Mrs. Grumpy installed one in our shower, and didn't mention it to me.
So yesterday morning, I was showering away in the dark (I get up early, and shower in the dark so the lights don't wake up the kids). In the dim glow of the night-lite I noticed this gadget hanging there, looking suspiciously like a soap dispenser. So, to lather up, I pressed the big blue button on the front, and put my hand under it.
Nothing came out. Instead the thing began beeping REALLY LOUD.
BEEP!
Holy shit! What the fuck kind of a soap dispenser is this?
BEEP!
Crap! Why is it beeping? It's going to wake up everybody! How the hell do I make it stop?
BEEP!
Fuck! There has to be a button or switch or something to turn it off! I'll press the blue button again!
BEEP!
That didn't do anything. Shit, I can't see if there's another button to make it stop!
I leaned forward, feeling it all over to try and find a switch.
BEEP!
After the 5th BEEP! the little blue thing on the bottom suddenly spun around, spraying shower-cleaning foamy stuff in a circle around it, covering the shower, the tiles, and my eyes, which were about 2 inches in front of it as I frantically tried to find a way to make it stop beeping.
It burned like hell. I screamed and fell backwards, and some shampoo bottles fell on me with a loud clatter. Snowball started barking. In the panic I tried to get to a sink to wash my eyes out, before I realized that I was already in a shower with water pouring down.
As I rinsed my eyes out the lights went on, and I became aware that I'd woken up the whole house. Wife, kids, dogs, and all.
I'm going to stick with bar soap from now on.
Your getting old... :P
ReplyDeletei was crying while reading this post. we had one of those useless gadgets a few years back......and you lived what i was afraid of. hope your eyes are OK, thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteDomo arigato, Mr. Roboto- the bukkake edition.
ReplyDeleteYikes!!!!!!!! How are your eyes?
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite post so far! I laughed harder than I have in quite a while!
ReplyDeleteKindergarten Rule #4 : Never, EVER, play with a thing you don't understand!
ReplyDeleteExcept a GF, of course. And you can get badly burned even doing that ;-)
Has your wife displayed passive aggressive tendencies in the past?
ReplyDeleteomg..i just got in from an almost near deadly car accident due to a gramma on the highway..yikes! i have tears sreaming down my face! i hope your eyes are ok.
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't get is why your kids are sleeping in your bathroom.
ReplyDeleteOMG fucking hilarious!!!!!! I have a serious migraine right now from viral meningitis and you made my pain worse because of my laughing.... but soooooo worth it!!!! BRILLIANT Dr!
ReplyDeleteI can't decide if this is SNL or movie material... Either way, I hope you make a bundle, because it's priceless! Laughing until it hurts and then some! Agree with the others - hope your eyes are OK!
ReplyDeleteI was feeling like a bad person for laughing at your pain, but judging from the comments I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I needed that.....
ReplyDeleteI too was wondering why when the bathroom door is closed, it would matter if the light in the bathroom was turned on.
ReplyDeleteAlso hope your eyes are OK, oh this was a retun, so I'm assuming that they are. I laughed so hard nearly peed my pants though. TMI I know. The beeping is too weird.
A note about this thing, taped to the bathroom mirror would have been an asset. Hilarious.
didn't you post THIS a couple of years ago, Dr grumpy?
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking: bad design, very bad design
ReplyDeleteHope the eyes are OK...
Laying in bed at 5am, giggling like a 7 year old. That was freakin' epic!
ReplyDeleteOh that is the best laugh I have had in a long while. I admire someone who can laugh at their antics. I have the opposite problem. I get in late and try not to wake anyone.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what silly device they will develop next?
Would that qualify as a douchebag?
ReplyDeleteYes, it was published in 2010. That's why the title says "Weekend Reruns."
ReplyDeleteI wonder if that product is still available. Would go well with the roomba.
ReplyDeleteoh dear God, I'm trying to get over a bad case of bronchitis and I'm wheezing away laughing my ass off......funniest thing ever, even the second time around. I think it might have gotten funnier....
ReplyDeleteit's an artisanal shower cleaner. duh.
ReplyDeleteThat story never gets old; thanks for posting again.
ReplyDeleteHowever, it beeps 15 times, at least mine does. So there is the little matter of you losing consciousness for at least ten seconds during this episode.
OMG, that was hilarious. I have one and love it, cuts down on the constant need to scrub away soap scum. I'm sure it was hell on the eyes, though. I recommend not showering in the dark anymore, you never know what new gadget the missus will install next :D
ReplyDeleteahahahahahahhaaa i cannot stop laughing!!! this is the funniest post ever!!!!
ReplyDeleteDr G, are you sure your wife didn't set you up for that? LOL!
ReplyDeleteI am laughing sooo hard! That was the best laugh in a long time! :)
ReplyDeleteThat was really funny. Really, really funny. Sorry about your eyes. Reminds me of Mike's New Car (a short animated film included with Monsters Inc.) I am a user interface designer and will use this at my next presentation.
ReplyDeleteWonderful!! What a good laugh!! Haha!
ReplyDeleteI read this post before but it still remains absolutely HILARIOUS! It's a snort-outloud, tears streaming down great laugh! It may well be your piece de resistance. Thanks for re-posting it. It's a gem!
ReplyDeleteOh, I really needed a good laugh tonight! Thanks for giving it to me at your expense!
ReplyDeleteOh God! Dr. Grumpy, I've never laughed this loud being postcall! Hope you're eyes are ok
ReplyDeleteYes, a rerun. And Dr. G seems to be OK, so it IS laugh-out-loud funny. Wouldn't be if he were badly hurt. I have one of those things in my shower, and as another poster said, it helps keep the shower muck down.
ReplyDeleteHowever, when I first got it, one of my cats, 9-months old at the time, liked to get in the shower after I got out. That was fine, she did not hurt anything, but I would coax her out before I turned the thing on.
One day, she snuck back in.
BEEEP BEEP BEEP SPRRRRRRRRAY
The next thing I saw was a streak of gray fur fleeing the bathroom. To this day, and she is a fine, mature cat now, when she hears that BEEP she flees to the fartherst corner of the house.
I know it's mean to laugh, but ...
oh wow thats brilliant!! (tho that gadget also sounds kind of time savingly useful..hmm!)
ReplyDeleteI can relate. We got one a few months ago and i was the first to take it for a test drive. Needless to say, when i pressed the button i started to wonder why it was beeping and not covering my shower with soap? So i decided to crack open the curtain, all in an attempt to investigate... Yup it burns like the flames of hell LOL. I take comfort in knowing that EVEN a physician can screw up such a simple device :)
ReplyDeleteOh god, that thing. I tried to re-purpose the mechanism as a remote-cat-discipline aid... It's not sealed and there's nothing inside to protect anything, so after a month, the entire thing turns to rust.
ReplyDeleteLaughing so hard I am crying!
ReplyDeleteNecroing this thread, just wanted to comment on the similarity to a scene in the movie Fly Away Home.
ReplyDelete