Saturday, April 2, 2011

Back to the artisanal mailbag

Ever since I began whining about the horrific overuse of the word "artisan" and it's derivatives a while back, you guys have been inspired to send in examples.

Due to surprisingly popular demand, I've created a webpage just for this insanity. It's down on the right sidebar, listed with my other specialty page on history stories.

As always, you guys sent in A LOT of stuff. I'm only going to post a few at a time. So if yours isn't up today, don't worry. It likely will be in the future.

And now it's time for (drumroll please):






One of you wrote that you have a free GPS service, which occasionally posts screen ads. And when you drove by an Olive Garden restaurant, you got this:






Artisanal, by definition, means "hand made by a skilled craftsman". As much as I like Costco, somehow I don't think their mass-produced pizza fits that category.






Even fast-food giant Wendy's is doing it. They also get bonus points for putting another overused annoyance, "panini" onto the same menu page.






With your artisanal breakfast you'll want coffee...





Some of you, however, may prefer to stay home and prepare meals with artisanal kitchen appliances (in great colors, too!)




But don't eat TOO much or you won't fit into your swimsuit!






And if all this artisanal crap makes you want to vomit, maybe it's time to head for the toilet.


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25 comments:

  1. OMDGApril 3, 2011 at 11:42 AM

    I think "artisan" might be synonymous with "tacky."

    ReplyDelete
  2. The MotherApril 3, 2011 at 11:53 AM

    Even you gotta admit, that toilet really IS artisanal. If a bit nauseating.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousApril 3, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    At least the word "panini" refers to actual specific things instead of being meaningless fluff like "artisanal." But when will people learn that it's plural??? One panino, two panini...

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousApril 3, 2011 at 12:59 PM

    Hoy, hoy. Let's all hear it for the artisanal wannabes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. CrownedwithVictoryApril 3, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    All I can think of is this: For a fancy toilet like that, you would think they could at least eliminate the swirly, male pee-catching pipe design on the sides. Those things are the devil to clean.

    ReplyDelete
  6. myoclonicjerkApril 3, 2011 at 4:21 PM

    This just gets better every day...

    ReplyDelete
  7. NancyApril 3, 2011 at 6:50 PM

    I guess the toilet would be perfect for artisanal output.

    Can you imagine the despair of cleaning the grout in a toilet like that? I'd probably go artisanal on someone's butt.

    ReplyDelete
  8. pharmacy chickApril 3, 2011 at 8:33 PM

    I kinda like the toilet...

    ReplyDelete
  9. OutreApril 3, 2011 at 10:24 PM

    That artisan mixer sure seems non-artisan to me...

    It’ll probably have trouble trying to mix artisan bread dough with it’s plastic dough hook. Bawhahhaha.

    (Not mocking KA, I myself own a Kitchen Aid mixer, just the professional line with more robust all-metal (so they say) parts and a big ass bowl on a lift)

    wv: Syntlimb: for phantom limb pain, nothing beats syntlimb

    ReplyDelete
  10. CApril 3, 2011 at 10:40 PM

    OK, this very day after a hike, we went to a Mexican restaurant and they had one of those toilets...I felt bad using it because it was so pretty...at least I wasn't using it for much. :(

    ReplyDelete
  11. MorrisApril 3, 2011 at 11:50 PM

    Blimey, just looking at that loo makes one want to use it..
    That pattern is enough to make my head spin! :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Just A Vet StudentApril 4, 2011 at 2:52 AM

    Wouldn't that be Dr. Grumpee's Blogge?

    ReplyDelete
  13. cliffintokyoApril 4, 2011 at 5:08 AM

    Thanks to all this free publicity, people should have realized by now that 'artisan(al)' just means
    'fake(d) craftsmanship'.
    Keep up the great revelations.

    ReplyDelete
  14. LauraApril 4, 2011 at 5:49 AM

    I was drinking a bottle of water the other day. I looked at the label and, yep, you guessed it, it was artisanal water. Made me think of you, and made me wonder how water can be artisan.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Sarah GlennApril 4, 2011 at 9:10 AM

    I would think that toilet would worsen the headache from a hangover...

    ReplyDelete
  16. LauraApril 4, 2011 at 9:26 AM

    IN my overloaded inbox this morning:

    http://www.artbeads.com/coming-soon-artbeanz.html?cmp=emn-040111

    ReplyDelete
  17. CamilleApril 4, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    Who wants to clean the grout on that toilet??? Not ME said the hen, not ME said the duck, not ME said the Camille. Too many places to catch....nevermind. Gross - but tres Artisanal. No really...it may be the only item so far that actually fits the description.

    ReplyDelete
  18. PackerApril 4, 2011 at 9:55 AM

    DROP THE ARTISINAL THING AND NOBODY WILL GET HURT.

    Hear tell, H&R Block is doing artisinal tax refunds this year, but .... in order to get one you actually had to earn a living last year.

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 10:18 AM

    Just thinking that my last litter of Golden Retriever pups must have definitely been Artisan.....
    The stud dog gave up his donation via some handy work by the clinician and then that was implanted by hand in the female.
    Yup they were pretty much hand made.....
    And how about all those petri dish Artisan children out there....

    ReplyDelete
  20. SpikeApril 4, 2011 at 3:35 PM

    So, at Wendy's, is the sandwich itself artisanal, or is it made with artisanal eggs, lovingly hand-laid by professional crafts-chickens?

    ReplyDelete
  21. AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 11:54 PM

    I love the bathing suit!!! I am going to order it. It could use a new name but it is super cute!

    ReplyDelete
  22. HeidiApril 6, 2011 at 2:04 AM

    That toilet is awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  23. AnonymousApril 6, 2011 at 8:58 AM

    Scroll down for the "artisanal lettuce:"

    http://www.sendiksmarket.com/home/specials/weekly_ad/

    ReplyDelete
  24. IshieApril 17, 2011 at 3:39 AM

    I'm so glad I'm not the only one whose first thought was "I kinda love the toilet".

    ReplyDelete
  25. Lord of the EepleApril 20, 2011 at 3:20 AM

    I love the toilet. And there's no grout on it. It's not a tile mosaic, it's it's just a regular smooth toilet with hand-painted coloured glaze.

    ReplyDelete

So wadda you think?