Saturday, March 19, 2011

Weekend reruns

Due to the usual crazy amount of kid stuff, I'm re-running this from about 2 years ago.


Being a neurologist means sometimes being LOUD. In residency, no matter how quiet and soft-spoken you may be, you learn how to SHOUT, yet still be polite.

Is this because we deal with little old deaf people? A little. But the main reason is because we are frequently consulted to wake the dead (or at least try) and evaluate the comatose. In order to do so you need to make sure that this person definitely isn't responding. So you learn to be able to shout into their ears in the gigadecibel range, to see if they can actually hear you.

And you yell simple commands, trying to break through a wall of brain damage, drugs, and loud ICU machines to see if there's anyone in there. "MR. JONES! CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR TOES FOR ME?" or "MRS. SMITH! CAN YOU SHOW ME TWO FINGERS?"

If you don't believe me, just ask any ICU nurse. They often carry their own earplugs for when they see a neurologist going into a patient's room.

This morning I got called in to evaluate a guy with brain damage named Mr. Dick.

So I did my usual shouting routine to try to wake him.

"MR. DICK! CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU HOLD UP TWO FINGERS?"

No response.

"MR. TOES! CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR DICK FOR ME?"

Mercifully, the patient didn't respond. The nurses' station, however, broke down in hysterical laughing. So did the patient 2 doors down. I'm sure I turned bright red when I realized what I'd said.

Leave me alone. It's 5:00 a.m., and I haven't had a Diet Coke yet.
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23 comments:

  1. JulieMarch 19, 2011 at 9:59 AM

    lol ... needed the laugh, thanks

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  2. AnonymousMarch 19, 2011 at 10:44 AM

    time for some sensitivity and workplace appropriateness training, grumpy.

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  3. SheilaMarch 19, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    Loved it!! Thanks for the laugh!

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  4. AuraMarch 19, 2011 at 11:54 AM

    I wonder if the family would have got the joke, had they been there....

    I can imagine a patient coming out of a coma just to hear that and faint.

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  5. randompawsesMarch 19, 2011 at 12:40 PM

    Well, if that didn't get through to the patient, nothing will! Too funny!

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  6. bobbieMarch 19, 2011 at 1:13 PM

    LMAO!!! And I'll vouch for the loud neuro dox...

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  7. AnonymousMarch 19, 2011 at 2:20 PM

    Spooner would be proud!!

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  8. a.generic docMarch 19, 2011 at 2:33 PM

    Did he?

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  9. UnknownMarch 19, 2011 at 3:46 PM

    Loved it when I first read your archives, still loving it today! Awesome! LOL

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  10. watercolordaisyMarch 19, 2011 at 4:08 PM

    omgosh! They are probably still laughing about it 2 years later.... lol

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  11. jimbo26March 19, 2011 at 4:15 PM

    2 years , and still going strong . ;-)

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  12. kyticaMarch 19, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    Sometimes, after running around med school the entire day and doing the crazy student thing, this is the laugh I need to remind me what I have to look forward to in a few years.

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  13. heterodyneMarch 19, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    And you won't forget this. Ever.
    Thanks for sharing, now I can close this day with a big grin ;-D

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  14. MorrisMarch 19, 2011 at 8:31 PM

    "broke down in hysterical laughing"

    So did I, just now!

    Thanks, needed that.. :)

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  15. pharmacy chickMarch 19, 2011 at 11:46 PM

    LOL, like the time I filled a viagra rx for a man and told him that breaking 100mg tabs is more BANG for the BUCK. Life needs a rewind button...seriously.

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  16. VivereMarch 20, 2011 at 5:10 AM

    lol..
    Reminds me of the awkward moments spent with our teacher named Dick !

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  17. AnonymousMarch 20, 2011 at 9:13 PM

    Well at least you knew he wasn't faking his lack of response...because if he had been, he would have broken down giggling too. Either that or sat up and punched you in the nose (depending on his degree of homophobia).

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  18. CstolworthyMarch 21, 2011 at 11:22 AM

    ROFL. Thank you so much, I needed that laugh

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  19. pharmacy chickMarch 21, 2011 at 11:58 AM

    wow, makes my faux pas not so bad...LOL

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  20. TeeMarch 21, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    It's safe to say that the only reason I would have laughed harder is if he had obeyed your command!

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  21. AnonymousMarch 22, 2011 at 11:31 PM

    It could have ben worse. He could have yelled back "NO I CAN'T".

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  22. AnonymousMarch 27, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    What's funny about taking advantage of a patient so you can get some laughs?

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  23. Grumpy, M.D.March 27, 2011 at 7:49 PM

    I didn't take advantage of anyone. The patient did nothing wrong.

    I'M the one who said something incredibly stupid.

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So wadda you think?