Sunday, December 19, 2010

That's why they call it a stroke

Although I'm not on call, I somehow ended up getting dragged in to the hospital last night to do a consult.


Mr. Onan: "... Then my right arm just went limp, like a dead weight. I couldn't move it at all."

Dr. Grumpy: "What were you doing when this started?"

Mr. Onan: "I was, um, you know..."

Dr. Grumpy: "No, I don't."

Mr. Onan: "Um... I was masturbating."

Dr. Grumpy: "Oh! Okay. So, when the right arm stopped working, what happened?"

Mr. Onan: "I switched to my left."

Dr. Grumpy: "WHAT?!!! When did you call 911?"

Mr. Onan: "After I finished. Look, doc, Viagra is expensive, and I didn't want it to go to waste."
at

37 comments:

  1. SECRET PEPPER PERSON:December 19, 2010 at 8:47 AM

    Well. I just don't know what to say. I guess a good rule of thumb is to finish what you're working on prior to calling 911 if you are only suffering from right sided hemiparesis. I mean how serious could that be?

    ReplyDelete
  2. AmandaDecember 19, 2010 at 8:53 AM

    It's the "Mr. Onan" designation that makes it art.

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  3. FizzyDecember 19, 2010 at 8:58 AM

    Well, geez, how long does it take to finish? Like five minutes? Still within the three hour window.

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  4. AnonymousDecember 19, 2010 at 9:51 AM

    Hahahahaha, I LOVE it. The man has his priorities in order, dammitt !

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  5. AnonymousDecember 19, 2010 at 9:52 AM

    if sex and stroke are connected, shouldn't we be extinct?

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  6. AnonymousDecember 19, 2010 at 10:40 AM

    ROFLMAOSTC (scare the cat)

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  7. AnonymousDecember 19, 2010 at 10:51 AM

    It could have been worse, he could have called 911 WHILE using his left.

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  8. UnknownDecember 19, 2010 at 11:14 AM

    Luckily for Mr. Onan, he appears to be ambidextrous. Otherwise, that could well have been a total waste of money!

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  9. CateDecember 19, 2010 at 11:34 AM

    ummm seriously? i should email this to our neuro prof, would make an interesting case for our next exam haha. at least the stroke wasn't too nad?

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  10. thegooddrlauraDecember 19, 2010 at 12:18 PM

    SERIOUSLY?

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  11. Cthulhu SashimiDecember 19, 2010 at 12:20 PM

    "Also, I have a paralysis fetish, so I got really turned on."

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  12. AnonymousDecember 19, 2010 at 12:23 PM

    "And I didn't want to interrupt the video I was watching on my iPhone."

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  13. AnonymousDecember 19, 2010 at 12:27 PM

    "Plus, I'd been planning date night for weeks. A romantic dinner, candles, flowers..."

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  14. AnonymousDecember 19, 2010 at 12:30 PM

    "Besides, I never use my cell phone while I'm driving."

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  15. watercolordaisyDecember 19, 2010 at 12:50 PM

    oy vey. Men.

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  16. soihavethisdogDecember 19, 2010 at 1:15 PM

    Wow, impressive! If he's looking for a date, you gotta admit that this shows commitment.

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  17. AnonymousDecember 19, 2010 at 1:46 PM

    He could have called 911, laid the phone down, and resumed - it's not like the arrive the second you call. Even if he lived next door to the station, it would have take 5 minutes.

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  18. pharmacy chickDecember 19, 2010 at 2:38 PM

    So really he had a STROKE stroke while getting stroked...
    alrigggggght.

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  19. OMDGDecember 19, 2010 at 2:42 PM

    I'm with Fizzy. It probably would take less than 5 minutes to finish, which is well within any time frame that you need to do something like administer tPA. Plus, you never know, it could have been his last one. Stroke, I mean.

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  20. Kat's KatsDecember 19, 2010 at 3:08 PM

    ROFLOLASTC!!! That's hysterical!! The worst of it is, my husband is diabetic and takes meds for erectile dysfunction. He has a harder time having an orgasm using the meds than when he doesn't. And evile wife that I am, I make him check his sugar level a few hours later.

    Mayhap Mr. Onan took the wrong medication or was so confused by the stroke that he didn't realize he should stop & call 911.

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  21. AnonymousDecember 19, 2010 at 3:12 PM

    WOW... just WOW.

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  22. RehabNurseDecember 19, 2010 at 3:25 PM

    Too funny!

    One friend of my husband's friend (an older single gentleman) went missing for a couple of days.

    They found him, pants down, in front of the computer.

    He wasn't so lucky, since he waited just a little to long to do anything.

    ReplyDelete
  23. terri cDecember 19, 2010 at 3:48 PM

    You can't make this stuff up. How is the patient? Is he permanently left-handed now?

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  24. AnonymousDecember 19, 2010 at 3:58 PM

    "Besides, the guy to my right said he'd kick my ass if I didn't."

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  25. John WoolmanDecember 19, 2010 at 4:17 PM

    I'm reminded of the lad with a subclavian steal syndrome. presenting complaint - "Every time i masturbate I go blind...."

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  26. arzt4empfaengerDecember 19, 2010 at 4:40 PM

    Haha, at least he was honest? Crazy people. Crazy, I say!

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  27. bobbieDecember 19, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    ROLTFLMAOSTD (scared the dogs)

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  28. David BowieDecember 19, 2010 at 5:42 PM

    He played it left hand,
    But made it too far....

    Making love with his ego,
    Ziggy sucked up into his mind...

    ReplyDelete
  29. KylaDecember 19, 2010 at 6:38 PM

    Hahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  30. The MotherDecember 19, 2010 at 8:36 PM

    Now, that's something they just don't mention in the TV commercials.

    ReplyDelete
  31. MahaDecember 19, 2010 at 9:07 PM

    I just don't understand boyz... but second (third?) Fizzy's and OMDG's comments!

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  32. Mark In MayenneDecember 20, 2010 at 2:33 AM

    I want Fizzy and OMDG as my doctors!

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  33. legalalienDecember 20, 2010 at 9:19 AM

    People are jumping to the conclusion that it would only have been 5 minutes... This guy might have the stamina of a racehorse (and that might not be the only comparison!).

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  34. AnonymousDecember 20, 2010 at 11:41 AM

    If they covered this under insurance, he wouldn't be so concerned about the cost.

    Doc. hope you told him that he was lucky he didn't go blind.

    ReplyDelete
  35. AnonymousDecember 20, 2010 at 12:37 PM

    For us med folks, will you do a post on how you picked neuro when you were a med student?

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  36. AnonymousDecember 20, 2010 at 9:51 PM

    ROTFLMAOAHTQM (almost had to quit masturbating)

    ReplyDelete
  37. ERPDecember 22, 2010 at 10:13 PM

    Good thing he's ambidextrous!

    ReplyDelete

So wadda you think?