Today a patient came in for the first time since she had a baby. We had this exchange:
Mrs. Kidz: "I've got a boy and a girl now, and I'm done."
Dr. Grumpy: "Did you get your tubes tied?"
Mrs Kidz: "That's what my OB did, but it's not exactly what I wanted. I'd specifically told him to tie my tubes, then crush and burn them, then use tractors to pull them as far apart as possible, and scatter the pieces to the 4 winds. But all he did was tie them."
I laughed VERY hard.
::rueful mouth:: Ummm, are you sure she doesn't have my kids at her house?? Because I'm pretty sure that's what my ex said when he went to see Dr. Snips.
ReplyDeletelesseher - when someone gets their tubes tied, crushed & burned, tractored faaaaar apart, & scattered to the four winds.
Thank you for this refreshing reminder as to why I'm scrapping all my years of chemistry graduate education and pursuing a nursing degree: because people are generally fun and funny.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure those are the exact instructions I gave my doctor when I had my tubes tied.
ReplyDeleteOne determined lady!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I got spayed after my third one. 3 boys. My life is crazy enough.
ReplyDeleteBut since I was at a teaching hospital, and the residents or interns or whatever were joking about how this was their first procedure but not to worry cause they'd studied really hard, I told them just to tie them.
I told Mr chick that for my 35th birthday I wanted ....a vasectomy..He finally did it around my 37th...No babies for me..
ReplyDeleteWell you can't be too careful. Miracle babies have been know to happen.
ReplyDeleteI have some friends who had a tubal after baby 3. Imagine their surprise when baby 4 came along. They only wish the whole crush/burn/tractor process had happened, although they are very happy with all their kids.
ReplyDeleteI have three kids (2 girls, one boy) and intend to have more. I *never* want to get my tubes tied; my opinion is the more, the merrier. What I hate is when people look at me like I have twelve heads or stare at me slack-jawed when I say I fully intend to have more. I've had checkers at the supermarket ask me, "Are you done?" when I'm in line with my three. Um, like that's any of your business???
ReplyDeleteFinally someone who knows exactly what they want! I would have laughed so much, too, in your place. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a coincidence! Those are exactly the instructions I gave to the family friend who snipped hubby after 4 boys. His reaction?
ReplyDelete"You do realize this is irreversible. You won't be able to have any more children."
Hubby and I just sat and howled.
That's what a lot of women say when they are discussing tubal ligation...cut, tie, burn those babies.
ReplyDeleteA friend had a vasectomy and afterwards his doctor sat him down and told him "You can't have any more children, but your wife can. Do you understand that?". He said no, he didn't, he'd had the vasectomy and shouldn't that mean that he and his wife couldn't have children? The doctor said "yes, you and your wife can't have children, but YOUR WIFE CAN STILL HAVE CHILDREN. Do you understand?". He understood and threatened to punch the doctor in the face.
ReplyDeleteI love patients that can make me laugh - and in a good way! I'm happy that you actually get to see 'normal' folks too!
ReplyDeleteShe sounds TOO normal to be one of your patients. =)
ReplyDeletePerhaps your patient would have preferred to have been spayed (hysterosalpingo-oophorectomy - removal of the uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries)... Those parts could then have been ripped up, scattered to the four winds, etc. but I suspect that would be considered illegal in most places.
ReplyDeleteJoAnna, the slack-jawed stare is nothing. Just wait for the hate stare, which I first started experiencing when I had three kids in tow and was visibly pregnant. I learnt quickly to think "Well somebody has to have the goodlooking intelligent ones!" and give a big grin in return...
ReplyDeleteJoAnna, Anonymous and the others with 3+ children getting the looks:
ReplyDeleteYou could tell people you are trying to out-do the Duggars! Maybe you can get your own television show, but you have been told you need at least 8-10 children to qualify! That ought to shut them up!
WV: suptose
I'm just catching up on your blog posts, and this one made me laugh OUT LOUD! I really needed that!
ReplyDeleteShe should have had my OB! He offered to do all she requested! I, however, was fine with just a small cut and snip! snip!, stitch me up and send me on my way. My disappointed OB acquiesced. Good sport.
ReplyDelete