Guess Mr. Church's pastor hasn't done the sermon about the lottery ticket, where the guy keeps praying that he'll win the lottery and all this crap keeps happening to him (except winning the lottery) and finally the guy dies, meets God, and asks about the request, only to have God point out that he has to buy a *ticket* in order to win the lottery. Mr. Church, you have to make an effort to quit. It doesn't happen on its own. That's why God gave us Nicorette, Chantix, et al. Sheesh.
there was this man drowning in the ocean - a ship came by and said "hop aboard so you wont drown" and the man said "no thanks God will save me"...the man continued to drown and another ship came by and said "get aboard our ship" and he said "no thanks God will save me"............the man drowned and went to heaven - an...d he went to God and asked "God why didnt you save me?" and God replied "I sent you two ships you dummy"
I see that's working for him. Quite well.
ReplyDeleteI guess Jesus is too busy punishing the Haitians for their deal with the devil, huh?
WWJC?
ReplyDeleteWhat would Jesus chew?
BWAHahahahahahahaha!
>:p
I can't bring myself to read that dialogue without using an internal Speedy Gonzalez accent.
ReplyDeleteThe Lord works in mysterious ways...like sending you many interesting patients to test you.
ReplyDeleteGuess Mr. Church's pastor hasn't done the sermon about the lottery ticket, where the guy keeps praying that he'll win the lottery and all this crap keeps happening to him (except winning the lottery) and finally the guy dies, meets God, and asks about the request, only to have God point out that he has to buy a *ticket* in order to win the lottery. Mr. Church, you have to make an effort to quit. It doesn't happen on its own. That's why God gave us Nicorette, Chantix, et al. Sheesh.
ReplyDeleteI'd say He helps those who help themselves. Free will.
ReplyDeleteFireguy quit cold turkey. It wasn't fun for a while, but it was worth it.
Jesus is working in mighty slow and mysterious ways for Mr. Church.
ReplyDeleteThey key phrase here is 'Jessus is HELPING me to quit' Sir, an effort on YOUR part is required.
ReplyDelete*walks off mumbling to myself*
Jesus helped me quit, too. Cold turkey. Successfully. 8 years ago. But first, I had to ... um...stop putting them in my mouth and lighting them.
ReplyDeleteWhat Would Grumpy Do?
ReplyDeleteWWGD
G-d gave him a brain, but He can't make him use it.
ReplyDeleteHopalong Ginsberg
there was this man drowning in the ocean - a ship came by and said "hop aboard so you wont drown" and the man said "no thanks God will save me"...the man continued to drown and another ship came by and said "get aboard our ship" and he said "no thanks God will save me"............the man drowned and went to heaven - an...d he went to God and asked "God why didnt you save me?" and God replied "I sent you two ships you dummy"
ReplyDeleteJesus helped me quit, and I haven't had a cigarette in over 2 years.
ReplyDeleteWait, I'm sorry, did I say Jesus? I meant Chantix and Wellbutrin.