Monday, January 25, 2010

Irrefutable logic

Dr. Grumpy: "You look kind of unsteady today."

Mr. Woodstock: "Yeah, I smoked a few joints out in my car before coming up here."

Dr. Grumpy: "Why did you do that?"

Mr. Woodstock: "I was really nervous about coming in today."

Dr. Grumpy: "Why were you nervous? You've been here before."

Mr. Woodstock: "Oh, not about that. I've been drinking scotch all morning, and didn't want you to notice I was drunk when I came in. I've never been drunk to a doctor visit before, so I smoked some weed to calm down, because I didn't want you to think I'd been drinking."
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28 comments:

  1. C.January 25, 2010 at 5:09 PM

    Pure genius.

    Word verification: Kiled - what your patient is going to be while driving home.

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  2. Grumpy, M.D.January 25, 2010 at 5:23 PM

    Yeah.

    People who think I make this shit up are overestimating me badly. Nobody could think of shit like this.

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  3. MattJanuary 25, 2010 at 5:26 PM

    Lord. Did you at least call him a cab?

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  4. The Evil ReceptionistJanuary 25, 2010 at 5:28 PM

    *facepalm* It really takes all kinds, doesn't it?

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  5. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2010 at 5:37 PM

    You must have a permanent indention in your head from banging it into the wall! :-))
    Lord love you!
    CP

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  6. OMDGJanuary 25, 2010 at 5:47 PM

    Well, at least he was honest.

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  7. instant studentJanuary 25, 2010 at 5:53 PM

    Don't drink and drive, smoke and fly!

    But it worked, right? Or did you notice that he was drunk before he told you?

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  8. Chrysalis January 25, 2010 at 6:02 PM

    You're killing me over here! I would love to see your straight face through some of these interactions. How DO you do it?

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  9. OutriderJanuary 25, 2010 at 6:02 PM

    Should have offered him a refreshing diet, caffeine-free beverage to sober him up for the ride home.

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  10. ERPJanuary 25, 2010 at 6:14 PM

    Did you renew his medical marijuana prescription?

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  11. JulieJanuary 25, 2010 at 6:16 PM

    definitely different ... and hopefully unique, but i don't think we're that lucky!

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  12. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2010 at 6:27 PM

    lordy!

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  13. WarmSocksJanuary 25, 2010 at 6:31 PM

    :O
    This patient might get the award for stupidest one yet.

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  14. WaystedJanuary 25, 2010 at 6:44 PM

    His mistake was not topping it all off with some benzos...that or some PCP.

    Do you even bother to deal with someone in that state, or do you just send them home and tell them to come back when they're sober?

    Ha! v-word is "wasted" (not really, but that'd be the perfect one)

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  15. student dr. blazeJanuary 25, 2010 at 6:45 PM

    Damn. If the rule they told us in medical school is correct--that is, to double the number of any substance the patient tells us they've ingested--then this guy must have been seriously out of it. I think it's funny that he became so relaxed that he told you about the etoh.

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  16. John WoolmanJanuary 25, 2010 at 6:49 PM

    Well, with a history like that it does help to refine the differential diagnosis somewhat.

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  17. KimberlyKJanuary 25, 2010 at 7:12 PM

    You sure you're not moonlighting in my VA clinic Dr. G!!!! I hear the same thing weekly! Gotta love them honest patients!

    KimberlyK in OK

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  18. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2010 at 8:37 PM

    Your best story yet.
    Awesome.

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  19. kayJanuary 25, 2010 at 8:38 PM

    Some people's kids.

    People never fail to amaze me.

    ~cheers

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  20. LynnJanuary 25, 2010 at 9:01 PM

    OMG! You work in Columbia, SC don't you? lol

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  21. Josiah O. MorrisJanuary 25, 2010 at 9:10 PM

    Awesome. That reminded me of a patient I once saw while shadowing. He'd been on medication for his seizures but stopped taking it because he couldn't afford to get the prescription refilled...well, that is, his girlfriend couldn't afford it anymore.

    This was no problem, though, because he had replaced his prescription medication with something else. Something cheaper and that worked better, he proudly proclaimed. When the neurologist asked what it was, the patient was still beaming and enthusiastically said,

    "Marijuana!"

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  22. amyJanuary 25, 2010 at 9:36 PM

    I've had people come to a NOON intake spot for an OUI intake and tell me they've already had 3 beers that morning.

    So yea, I know you're not making it up!

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  23. thegooddrlauraJanuary 25, 2010 at 11:48 PM

    This one doesn't bother or surprise me. I'd rather have this guy in my exam room than the manipulative, selfish people. So he's wasted. That's not the worst kind of person who will grace our offices. As long as he doesn't drive home, it's ok with me.

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  24. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2010 at 11:51 PM

    can I ask why he was seeing you?

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  25. DymphnaJanuary 26, 2010 at 3:22 AM

    Makes it kind of hard to do a Romberg...

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  26. J-Quell'nJanuary 26, 2010 at 10:54 AM

    Hmm...so, he smoked the joints to calm down so you wouldn't know he had been drinking only to tell you that he had been drinking? Makes perfect sense.

    ::snort::

    Verification word is "nonsoba" as in "That fool came up in here nonsoba."

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  27. Internal OptimistJanuary 26, 2010 at 12:52 PM

    Now that is an epic excuse! I am more than impressed

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  28. Swami DilJanuary 26, 2010 at 3:36 PM

    Give him a prostrate exam. Maybe you'll find his brain!

    ReplyDelete

So wadda you think?