Sunday, September 27, 2009

Saturday, 11:57 p.m.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."

Ms. Narc: "Yeah, I'm a patient of Dr. Notoncall. He has me on Vicodin, and I'm all out"

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm sorry, I don't call in controlled drugs after hours"

Ms. Narc: "But I'm hurting!"

Dr. Grumpy: "You'll have to call his office on Monday, or go to urgent care or ER if your pain is that bad."

Ms. Narc: "But I can't make it until then! I hurt all over!"

Dr. Grumpy: "I can't call in these pills for you. Sorry"

Ms. Narc: "Ummmm... But I don't need pills! Yesterday I had one of those, uh, gastric bypass surgeries, like the fat guy on TV once did, so I need liquid Vicodin. So it's not a pill. You can call that in, right?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Good night" (hangs up).
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13 comments:

  1. The Good CookSeptember 27, 2009 at 10:58 AM

    She had her surgery yesterday and was already out of pain meds? Whoa.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 27, 2009 at 11:00 AM

    Good Lord, and Sweet Jesus (it is Sunday, after all).

    At least she didn't tell you she had an extensive hair transplant operation yesterday, like, umm, what was on T.V.

    ReplyDelete
  3. SparkySeptember 27, 2009 at 11:38 AM

    But you'd said orginally that you can't call in controlled drugs!

    Oh my. People are getting silly (like you're right handed patient from yesterday!)

    Love youre blog by the way :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousSeptember 27, 2009 at 12:17 PM

    FAIL!

    Bonus points for pimping a different dose form.

    Was she drunk?

    If she had gastric bypass, girlfriend would be in the hospital screaming at the nurses, not drunk dialing you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Cap'n CakezSeptember 27, 2009 at 12:39 PM

    I have to wonder how Hippocrates would've handled our epidemic of drug seeking behavior and "ailments" like Fibromyfakegia.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Grumpy, M.D.September 27, 2009 at 12:42 PM

    Auffer- He probably would have abandoned medicine and gone to cosmetology school.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ER's MomSeptember 27, 2009 at 1:52 PM

    You know, Hippocrates WAS a beauty school dropout.

    Cue cheesy music...

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Grumpy, M.D.September 27, 2009 at 3:19 PM

    ER's Mom: Ah yes, the song in Grease: "Beauty school drop-out, go back to med school" or something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  9. FlaviusSeptember 27, 2009 at 6:02 PM

    Everyone knows liquids can't be controlled, I mean, how would you sell that on the street?.. I mean.. crap! *hangs up*

    -Flavius

    ReplyDelete
  10. JimAtTheRezSeptember 27, 2009 at 6:56 PM

    LOL, give her credit for thinking fast. She does get an A for creativity and entertainment value.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ChrisSeptember 27, 2009 at 7:22 PM

    Can you sell me heroin? I mean, that's not a pill or really a liquid, so you can call that in, right?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Nurse KSeptember 29, 2009 at 4:01 AM

    Gotta love the midnight referral to ER for chronic-pain Vicodin refill. *Furrows brow*

    ReplyDelete
  13. Grumpy, M.D.September 29, 2009 at 11:23 AM

    I know, K, but legally I have to give them an option. I knew this one wouldn't go. And she didn't.

    ReplyDelete

So wadda you think?