Thursday, September 3, 2009

Mary, You Are SO Fired!

Yes, it's time to renew the Grumpy Neurology, Inc. employee health insurance plan. So we all get to fill out forms listing how many packs a day we smoke, how much fatter we are since 2008, and how many surgeries we've each had in the last year.

So I gave one to everybody (except Ed), and they scribbled them out and gave them back.

I was double-checking them before faxing to our insurance company. As I glanced over Mary's, I noted some of her answers:

Height: 5'1". Weight: 540 lbs.

Pregnant: Yes, due in March, 2010.

Medications: Lithium, Haldol, Valium, Oxycontin, birth control, Methadone, Heroin

Medical conditions: Bipolar, ADHD, closed head injury, brain damage, breast problems, illegal drugs, alcoholism


I turned around just in time to see her completely lose it and start laughing hysterically.

Between the patients and my staff... I don't have a chance.
at

25 comments:

  1. MOJITOGIRLSeptember 3, 2009 at 12:37 PM

    I'm glad the staff that surrounds you is as sick and twisted as you are. Can I work for you too?

    ReplyDelete
  2. S3XinthePantrySeptember 3, 2009 at 12:40 PM

    I HEART Mary!

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Berspa ManSeptember 3, 2009 at 12:55 PM

    Any allergies?

    ReplyDelete
  4. EdSeptember 3, 2009 at 1:23 PM

    I wondered why I didn't get one. WTF!

    ReplyDelete
  5. moppieSeptember 3, 2009 at 1:23 PM

    LOL, so you know the weight of the gals working for you! That's a secret :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousSeptember 3, 2009 at 1:28 PM

    Dr G-
    I LOVE MARY!!!
    If she gets tired of NEUROLOGY and wants to switch to NEPHROLOGY, she can work for us any time!!!
    WB

    ReplyDelete
  7. Square Peg GuySeptember 3, 2009 at 1:36 PM

    Good thing she didn't put Lyme Disease. She'd be uninsurable!

    By keeping you laughing, she's keeping you healthy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Becky the TechieSeptember 3, 2009 at 2:02 PM

    Lmao. At least you know she's not completely crazy... unless she is?

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousSeptember 3, 2009 at 2:33 PM

    Poor Ed. He has suicidal tendencies but he can't get the counseling he needs.

    ReplyDelete
  10. rxgirlSeptember 3, 2009 at 3:13 PM

    you go Mary! sounds like you have a fun staff to work with.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AmandaSeptember 3, 2009 at 3:41 PM

    Oh crap, I started reading this right as I was taking a sip of my VERY hot freshly brewed cup of tea. GACK!!

    In other news, word verification? "horkers". Hee.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Grumpy, M.D.September 3, 2009 at 3:45 PM

    Sorry, Amanda. I'll tell Mary she owes you a new blouse.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ladyk73September 3, 2009 at 7:44 PM

    Am I the only one that is offended that the insurance company wanted all of this info? I understand cost/risk ratios...but my good

    I thought that was why companies had group insurances rates

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousSeptember 4, 2009 at 1:33 AM

    Thank goodness you read it before faxing it off to the insurance company. Can you imagine what they would have thought!

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  15. ERPSeptember 4, 2009 at 5:59 AM

    I am sure she can get insurance. Alls she has to do is move to Canada!

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  16. AnonymousSeptember 4, 2009 at 9:23 AM

    at least no FMS. so everything's OK then.

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  17. ER's MomSeptember 4, 2009 at 10:33 AM

    She is so totally awesome!

    I <3 her.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Grumpy, M.D.September 4, 2009 at 10:35 AM

    She's mine! Stay away! None of you can have her! I have the most awesome secretary in the world, and am keeping her here! So there!

    ReplyDelete
  19. cynicSeptember 4, 2009 at 3:10 PM

    Strong work Mary.

    I still put naloxone down as an allergy prior to surgery to see if anyone pays attention. I get a kick out of screwing with the gas passers.

    ReplyDelete
  20. UnknownSeptember 4, 2009 at 5:23 PM

    I am an Ob/gyn and I think I delivered Mary's last baby. Then again, maybe not. After awhile, all those psycho drug addict tend to run together. At least, Mary lost some of her pregnancy weight.

    ReplyDelete
  21. ChrisSeptember 4, 2009 at 7:15 PM

    :::APPLAUSE:::

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  22. PegSeptember 4, 2009 at 9:47 PM

    Mary has a sense of humor...Bravo!

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  23. DragonflySeptember 5, 2009 at 4:39 AM

    I have a feeling she visits my part of Australia from time to time... She has a babydaddy who is well below her league as well.

    ReplyDelete
  24. PhillipiaSeptember 5, 2009 at 6:55 PM

    Too bad she did not include "work-related stress from fixing dr grumpy's mistakes"

    ReplyDelete
  25. Ms. DonnaMay 25, 2011 at 12:23 PM

    LOL LOL LOL More LOL and the good doctor will insist on an appointment!
    You have a real gem there, Dr., but one of the posters is right ...if that had gone to the insurance company your whole staff would have been in doo-doo.
    Insurance companies have no sense of humor and are like two-year-olds and take EVERYTHING literally!

    ReplyDelete

So wadda you think?