I stopped on the way home for some tomatoes, and was in line at the checkout. The guy in front of me was a 30-something guy buying a crapload of vitamins and supplements.
Clerk: "You sure take a lot of vitamins."
Mr. Vitaminjunkie: "Yeah, cause, like, all the food today has, like, lot of unnatural stuff in it. So I take all these vitamins and only eat, like, natural and organics and stuff. That way I know I am going to stay healthy, and am like, not putting anything dangerous in my body."
Clerk: "Anything else for you today?"
Mr. Vitaminjunkie: (pointing behind counter) "Umm, yeah, like, give me 2 packs of Marlboros and a can of Skoal."
For added fun, you can write these tomato posts like Happy Hospitalist:
ReplyDeleteA guy was droning on about vitamins and how healthy they were. My tomato plants are failing so the Mrs. made me go to the store to pick some up. Then the clerk said "you sure take a lot of vitamins". I decided to add some fertilizer to the soil for the tomatoes so they'd grow better. Anyone know which type works best for tomatoes? Then the guy ahead of me in line asked for smokes and chew...
You're a very good writer.
ReplyDeleteguess he thinks the vitamins and organic foods will offset the poison chemicals being thrust upon his body....
ReplyDeleteSo are you!
ReplyDeleteRelated story (re: "in the style of"): In high school, there was an assignment to write a story in the style of an author [pick from this list]. I picked Edgar Allen Poe. My teacher actually went to the university's plagiarism database (this was pre-Internet) to run my story through it to see which of his stories I'd copied so she could haul me into the principal's office.
After said story was not found in the database (because it was original), she pulled me over to her desk after class, started crying and said that I needed to write, that it was my calling.
She'd apparently been trying to bust me for plagiarism for two years.
What is with you and your tomato shopping?
ReplyDeleteWow. Your wife sure sends you to the store a lot for tomatoes.
ReplyDeleteSounds like our friend's twin brother who was lecturing me about how he doesn't understand how people can't just eat healthy and how easy it is to do so. He lifts weights and uses anabolic steroids. Nice and natural.
Incidentally, he also tells our friend/his twin, who has a seizure disorder, that if he just ate healthier and followed "The Secret" he'd be able to stop his anti-seizure drugs. NOT smart.
I have no idea, man. I just get told to bring the tomatoes home, and I do what I'm told.
ReplyDeleteSomeone obviously hasn't read the warning labels on cigarettes....
ReplyDeleteCamel Joe is still Cool
LOL good man, just do what you're told and no one gets hurt, right?
ReplyDelete...Now if i could only get my fiance to do that....
maybe Mrs grumpy is just trying to get you out of the house for awhile. who needs that many tomatoes anyway?
ReplyDeleteDoc, does she EVER prepare anything with the tomatoes? Nice little caprese salad or something? Or do they just disappear into thin air?
ReplyDeleteMy husband's cousin, between drags of his cigarette and swigs of (his third) beer told me he would NOT be taking a statin for his elevated LDL because that shit will kill you.
ReplyDeleteHahah!
Re: the tomato shopping, schwew! I thought it was just me who noticed.
Steph
Are you sure she's not really asking you to bring home the bacon? ;)
ReplyDeleteSmart man, just doing what we tell you to do. It's so much easier that way.
ReplyDelete;)
yup, Dr. Grumpy knows....If Mrs. Grumpy is happpy, HE is happy. Smart man.
ReplyDeleteTobacco IS natural, didn't you know that?
ReplyDeleteI have a patient who claims she has multiple chemical sensitivities, but guess what? Yep, she smokes.
ReplyDeleteDr. Grumpy has learned:
happy wife = happy life
LOL good man, just do what you're told and no one gets hurt, right?
ReplyDeleteMore likely "Don't do what you're told and no one gets any."