Patient excuses

In a remarkable 8 hours of clinic today, an atypically large number of headache patients provided the following unusually creative excuses as to why their headaches were worse (not in any particular order):

1. My son and daughter-in-law went missing for 30 minutes, but it turned out they'd just stopped at a McDonald's.

2. My son married a Hispanic.

3. My son got lost during a tour of Alcatraz.

4. I was sexually assaulted, again.

5. My brother is brain dead at Downtown Hospital but he's only a little brain dead, not a lot.

6. My son's baby was born critically ill yesterday, but is fine now.

7. My daughter-in-law doesn't like her kids.

8. A bicycle hit my car, and ruined the paint.

9. I have a rectal abscess.

10. CPS took away my grandkids and gave them to the other grandma, and she's trailer trash.

11. I agreed to watch my grandkids, and now my daughter won't take them back.

12. I went to the ER for my headache, but they ran out of pain medicine.